Grateful for the Grace

I had the wonderful pleasure of being witness to a baby's baptism last evening. Beautiful baby boy, beaming parents, godparents, grandparents all making promises to God on behalf of this amazing first child and grandchild. My mind raced backwards and forwards to my own children's baptisms - did I have any idea then what I was promising? Did I have any idea of the journey my children would take me on? Did I have any idea of the journey that God would take me on through the lives of my children, through the stormy life of my first marriage, through the joy and love of my marriage now? I think the answers are no, I did not. Grace, what bountiful grace God gives to young parents to take their promises, their innocent promises, and hold them in His hands as though the parents were indeed wise and trustworthy.

Don't get me wrong - they are solemn, and wise as young persons can be, and they are trustworthy at the moment but when the years go by and life gets complicated and the promises seem less fresh and in the forefront, and the teenager is not so sweet any more, and the baptism is a long ago memory, it's harder to remember that God's grace is still there....waiting, waiting, willing to help in every situation, willing to be a guide, a crutch, a stronghold.

I think that I actually have a vision of my personal baptism as a young child. I don't think I was an infant, maybe a toddler. This vision has me being held on the arm of probably my father, looking out at a congregation in wonder. It's a vision that has come to me more than once in my life, so I'm beginning to believe it might actually be true. Anyway, my parents were very young, capable, in love and confident their child was the most special ever born. They made their baptismal promises on my behalf, perhaps not in the same words that I heard last night, but on behalf of me their first born and believed sincerely that they would uphold those promises throughout their lives. In a way I believe they did.

The vows they fulfilled were enough of a way to carry me through many trials and much happiness in living my life in partnership with God. Every moment? Seems unlikely that I could have sustained such an existence 100% of my life. But God did take my parents seriously, and He has taken me seriously and I have taken God seriously "most" of my life. Reflecting as I do on the times when I put God in the backseat rather than the driver's seat, I'm quite sure He was and is glad to have/had a "heavenly seatbelt" on and I'm grateful for the grace. The grace of my baptismal vows, the grace of my life as an adult, the grace to continue my life remembering the solemn vows of baptism and dedication as a child of God.

Baptism - infant, toddler, adult? Yes, no? Do you remember, not remember? Maybe never, maybe sometime in the future? Ever have a chance to review the baptism vows of your tradition - no tradition? Well, I recommend it.

Yes, I had the wonderful privilege of being witness to a baby's baptism last evening.

Movies, Addiction, Dementia, Control?

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If you drop by occasionally, you may have seen my post about the movie "Slumdog Millionaire." I had some question in that post about whether viewing movies of poverty, torture, real life, fantasy, etc. is entertainment or not. I received some great comments both pro and con on the issue. Since that post, I've had the opportunity to view two more movies - "Rachel Getting Married" and "The Savages."

From the outset, "Rachel" did not qualify as a movie that I felt would be light entertainment. I ordered it from Netflix as I had read of the outstanding performance of Anne Hathaway in the role of a recovering addict. I've enjoyed her roles in other movies and wanted to see her perform in something other than a pretty fairytale movie. Well, she did act her role both well and convincingly as an addicted family member, the struggles she had in addiction recovery, the struggle for her family, and for her friends in relation to her addiction. Having some years of personal experience with addicts I suppose I thought I would just steel myself against the story of how sad and overwhelming an addicted person's struggle is in life and how a family can never "cure" the addict but often unknowingly contributes to the addict's angst during the addiction and recovery periods. It was tougher to watch than I suspected and found myself fast forwarding some of the scenes. I wondered why I had chosen to place myself in such a familiar sad story.

But wait a minute, the next movie I watched was so poignantly close to home that I could have almost written the script - albeit, there would have been two sisters and a brother in the sibling roles and the father would have been a mother, etc. That movie was "The Savages." I had seen a clip of it and I rented this one out of, I expect, morbid curiosity about the story line. I had lived the story of searching for that "perfect, idyllic setting" in which to place one's parent for keeping - feeding, cleaning, manicuring, diapering, if necessary. This movie was played out in my family approximately 8 years ago when my brother, sister, and I had to make the decision to move our Mother out of the care of her husband into a professional "assisted living" facility. We were extremely fortunate that our step parent had taken such excellent care of the woman he and we loved and kept her living at home as long as he possibly could. There was no other choice left for us as his health and ability to continue her care had become inadequate, threatening his own well-being and the literal safety of their home.

At any rate, here I was watching yet another movie that was definitely NOT entertainment for me. Yet, I was mesmerized at the authenticity of the movie sibs' discovering their father's dementia, their individual acceptance and denial of the issue, their search for the RIGHT place in the midst of their own tumultuous and unsettled lives. I cried when they cried, I felt their pain as I had experienced their pain, their guilt.

NOW, I ask you readers, why was it - in your humble opinions - that I was able to watch this true to life portrayal of a very sad situation - no fast forwarding, a great deal of inner turmoil, a lingering feeling of relating to the fictional characters? Where was the line that I drew that enabled me to watch a scene so familiar, though painful to relive? I've asked for your answers but I find I have developed an answer of my own even as I compose this post.

I believe for me it's possibly all about control. On the wide screen (or my little Netflix production) when millions suffer, when injustice and cruelty is the overarching theme before me, when the evil overwhelmingly crushes the innocent, I feel helpless and not up to the test of abolishing that portrayal of darkness. Helpless and fearful knowing that evil is so convincingly portrayed as imagined and witnessed in this world. "The Savages" story line was familiar and even though I knew the ultimate end of my Mother's placement, our decision, she would most likely be in a nursing home with none of us with her at the moment of death, I had some control over manipulating the circumstances that would keep her safe and comfortable until that time. I could relate to the movie because the brother and sister came to grips with the fact that their control of their parent's life was the only control they had. They could NOT prevent the death nor the dementia - they could only manipulate the care and comfort of their charge.

So yes, I think I've discovered my issue with movies and those I will select and enjoy, those I will fast forward, and those that I won't bother to hit anything but the delete key! But still, do you think it's about control?

Are you caring for your soul today?

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From Thomas Moore's CARE OF THE SOUL - chapter 6, page 119 -

"In the soul, power doesn't work the same way as it does in the ego and will. When we want to accomplish something egoistically we gather our strength, develop a strategy, and apply every effort. The power of the soul, in contrast, is more like a great reservoir or, in traditional imagery, like the force of water in a fast-rushing river. It is natural, not manipulated, and stems from an unknown source. Our role with this kind of power is to be an attentive observer noticing how the soul wants to thrust itself into life. It is also our task to find artful means of articulating and structuring that power, taking full responsibility for it, but trusting too that the soul has attentions and necessities that we may understand only partially."

According to the book cover, Mr. Moore "is a leading lecturer in the areas of psychology, mythology, and the imagination and he lived as a monk in a Catholic religious order for twelve years, having degrees in theology, musicology, and philosophy." For whatever reason, I had predetermined that the book was probably written from his Roman Catholic point of view, while in fact he speaks of the soul really from his disciplines of psychology, mythology, and the imagination - perhaps, so far anyway, not neccessarily tilted from his Roman Catholic faith side - his degrees there being in theology, musicology, and philosophy. So, coming up against a "different" or more diverse representation of the soul than that I expected, how do I feel about the book so far - like it, not, am suspect from a Christian point of view, disappointed that he views the soul from other than what I expected?

I am NOT disappointed - rather from my own rational, perhaps simplistic point of view, I find this book provokes my awareness of a gift from the only unknown source that I feel comfortable in crediting and that would be God. I embrace the concept that my soul is part of the total gift of life from my Creator and that viewing it as "a great reservoir or, in traditional imagery, like the force of water in a fast-rushing river," gives me tremendous comfort and grounding knowing that I've probably just tiptoed into the water of what my soul is capable of achieving while in this mortal life and that through awareness of the gift, perhaps I can hope to grow into a life to be worthy of that for which it was intended.

So, I'll be continuing in this book and looking for the message that is there for me and my soul together to interpret or not.

Have you found books in your library borrowing or buying that you thought you would know all about and suddenly found a new concept that you either totally disliked or totally embraced? Do you cast aside books with which you disagree or labor on? Do you read an occasional book because you should? Do you think your soul (the shrinking or the expanding soul) has anything to do with the book selections you make?

I hope you think about and care for your own soul this day and perhaps in doing that you 'll be caring for someone else's as well. Happy Sacred Life Sunday!