Monday, December 14, 2009

Would I still believe?

Christmas 2004: Theotokos of the PassionImage by DUCKMARX via Flickr

Waking each morning, my body rolls left and my feet touch the floor
Sometimes wiggling into soft cushy slippers I've placed there for just that purpose
Sometimes touching a small white dog, plaintively whining "when are you getting up?"
Sometimes just touching a nice clean carpet that's warm from the heating vent close by

What if I wasn't me, if I didn't live here, and my home had just been burned to the ground
Perhaps waking in a shelter, cold linoleum for my feet, if lucky, dirty socks close by to pull on
Would I cry out remembering the smoke and the fire was not a bad dream
Would I resolutely pull on my socks and think, oh well, it wasn't much of a house anyway

What if I loved my mother, my drunken dad, and all of my siblings but had been wakened in the night, taken to a foster home, wakened in a strange bed, lumpy pillow, and dusty floor at my feet
What if I was scared to pieces of the smells of yet another "new" spot that would shelter me for a while and then pitch me out when they'd had enough of being good people

What if my house was never warm, I didn't have a job, I didn't have transportation, and no food
What if I had a baby crying in the next room, a sick spouse in the hospital or detox ward
What if I had used my last food stamps and there was not a drop of milk or a clean diaper anywhere

Christmas filled with joy, light, ache, sorrow, tragedy, misery, promise - promise of what
My own head is full of love, my logic is full of blessings and thanksgiving, my heart today is full of ache
Tragedy is magnified by my yearning for peace, good will, honesty, generosity - for all, not just for me

What if this Christmas season was not full of love and goodness for me
Would I, could I still believe in the Christ child
Would I still believe in a God who loves me
Well, I ask myself today, would I

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  1. Anonymous5:14 AM

    Thank you

  2. So beautifully written, so deep is the feeling. Thank you.

    And thank you for dropping by my site, too. We're doing a blog carnival today. And tomorrow I'm posting about someone you know.

  3. Yes beautiful, but also powerful, very powerful. I may use this.

  4. powerful was the word i was going for.

    i sat last night in a room of many who i believe have experienced much of what your words describe. the beauty is that "yes" they do still believe - and THAT is a powerful witness! xoxoxo

  5. CP - thank you for your praise.

    Lucy - Believing and witness, a strong combination!


  6. Dear V - thanks for your words. I've visited your site of powerful words. Thanks for visiting here.

    Maureen - I look forward to visiting your site today:)


  7. SS, I know many people who have suffered many things, but mostly the situations they experienced eventually resolved and they came out the other side stronger and more full of faith. But it seems to me that the chronic pain and vicious cycles of poverty, abuse, violence and poor education are not conducive to believe in a "good" God. I don't know if I would be strong enough to keep trying to believe. Thank God that there are many, many good people in the world who are trying, trying, trying to bring a little bit of Light into this world. Thanks for your thought provoking and heart opening post. Very important.