Resilience

One of the common denominators of non-profit groups in our community is that many of them plan their annual fund raising around a luncheon at our local historic hotel. The table host may or may not buy the guests' meals, but whether or not they do, they then invite their "bring along your checkbook friends." I attend at least six of these events for varied causes throughout the year; I find it a pleasant way to contribute to worthy causes for three reasons -
1. It is clearly understood (after attending the first one) that this is a fund raising event; I think one is allowed one free pass for not having a checkbook open and ready throughout the meal.
2. Luncheons are tasty and do not exceed one and a quarter hours.
3. The fundraising planners have a history of engaging extraordinary speakers with topics appropriate to the fundraiser's goals.

It is point #3 that is the kicker for me - I am never disappointed that I've attended one of these events and Tuesday's fundraiser for our local Camp Fire USA was no exception. The speaker was Jan Faull, M.Ed. who has taught Parent Education for more than twenty-five years. A resident of Seattle and writer of four books on parenting and childhood issues, Ms. Faull gave a compelling talk on the education and nurture of children into a category of resilient children.

Resilient children meaning those who can adapt to new environments more readily rather than adversely. Ms. Faull named the environments in which children find themselves alone (even while with their parents, it's a new experience for the child) for the first time - a church service, a restaurant, nursery school, grade, middle, high school, the death of a grandparent, the loss of a friend, a concert, a movie theater, a social event with their parents, a family reunion, a visit to an divorced parent's home, etc. - all of these situations are at one point in time brand new to the child and the parents' comfort in exposing or simplifying their children to these situations either on purpose or out of necessity is critical to a child's ability to adapt resiliency as a character trait throughout their lifetime. Being brave and having a stiff upper lip may not be the formula to develop a resilient child. Discussing what's new, frightening, unfamiliar, and downright strange to a kid may take a short fifteen minute orientation or just good ol' listening from a parent about the child's fears. Assurance that the child is not strange in their feeling, it's o.k. to be frightened, angry, shy or sad. These moments can raise a child who trusts, one who does not shudder at all new events, one who might not understand the word resiliency but who grows up likely more comfortable in new environments. I do not do justice to the enthusiasm and evangelistic fervor of the speaker - she was extraordinary! If I was a young parent, I would not hesitate to investigate and follow all of her writings.

Not a young parent anymore, I feel comfortable knowing that instinctively, I suppose, I did raise resilient children and I see my offspring doing the same thing. But children are one thing and we adults are quite another............are we resilient in our environments? Did someone show us the way, introduce us to the rules of behavior for new experiences? Did we learn manners and trust from either our parents, teachers, maybe camp counselors? Do we still harbor the idea that we can solve our own problems, we don't need to talk them over with anyone, if we ignore uncomfortable situations in groups or even in one on one relationships that the stiff upper lip and bottled resentment or fear will be enough to carry us through on our own. Do we ignore invitations for assistance in time of trouble, or kindness in time of sorrow, or assume that we are the caregivers and need no care for ourselves? Well, do we? Have I, have you, have we ignored the ability to accept what our friends and even strangers will offer us as solace or aid in times of stress? Are we resilient enough to realize that we have been sent a treasure outside of our own selves to pat us on the back, pick us up, and maybe just relieve those chest pains or headaches, if only we could find the resilience to trust and be willing to accept what we're sure we don't need or deserve?

I hope Jan Faull will forgive my probably inadequate description of her phrase "resilient children" but her phrase "resilient children" I believe is so apt to those of us who are just now learning in life how important the trait of resilience is to our own well-being.

......and yes, I left a generous check for Campfire USA.

The Call

For about eight years now I've volunteered with a community non-profit organization that I feel truly connected to in its efforts to promote art and art education. With the current state of our national economy, along with the cost of maintaining an old, historic building and a downturn in the availability of eager, capable volunteers, the Board of Trustees (of which I am a member) voted to focus its efforts strictly on art education rather than on building maintenance and dwindling volunteer interest - in short, we did not renew a lease, successfully auctioned appropriate building equipment, in short, closed down the bricks and mortar of the organization.

The decision was not emotionally an easy decision but logically it was the right one. The Board has made great progress in the last few months inviting the community to present their ideas in order to carry on with the mission's emphasis of art education. Two groups stepped forward and the Board is pleased to be able to grant them small sums to begin to carry out their art enrichment programs, with positive hopes of offering continuing financial support from our small endowment and from generous art patrons who will continue to trust our judgment in selecting worthy groups for support. This makes me very happy and all of this is to say that now, for the past few months, with a reduced amount of time spent with that organization, I've been looking for a place to offer some of my now free volunteer time.

Not eager to advertise my volunteer loyalty for sale, I've been observing and inquiring about organizations, their activities, their membership and privately in prayer waiting for the call. Yes, that's right, the call. There's nothing more precious to the doing of God's will than those who are willing to listen for direction outside their own plans or manipulation. I don't mean that to sound as "do-gooder" and "smug" as it reads back to me now, but I don't know how to put it another way. I really felt that there was an activity out there somewhere that needed to be done by me and that it would present itself.......and you know, why am I not surprised, it did!

There I was innocently reading the evening paper when the description of a local organization running a summer camp clearly outlined its need for volunteers, along with the contact number. Now the camp had already started and when I had to leave a message on a voicemail line I figured they were probably overrun with volunteers signing up left and right, the camp was already in gear, and why would they need me anyway? (That's certainly positive isn't it? Where do we come up with this stuff about ourselves sometimes?) So, when the camp director phoned me back right away and almost drove to my house to pick me up, I deduced that the call was real and that I should give it a go.

The details of my few hours a week with kids practicing their reading, reading in a second language different from their own will not be forthcoming at this time. Suffice it to say, these kids do need me, and wouldn't you know.......now I need them too! So rewarding, so heartwarming, so important to them and so little for me to give back.

Are you waiting for a call? Pay attention! Have you ever answered one - were you sorry that you did? I'd love to hear about your call!

Where are the "theys"

It's easy isn't it to wonder why "they" haven't done something isn't it? I mean for example - why haven't "they" cleaned out that corner flowerbed at the church? Why did "someone/they" leave candy wrappers on the gym floor? Why don't people at the gym put their equipment back in the order they found it - don't "they" have any sense of order? Why are the chairs strewn around in a higgeldy-piggeldy manner after a meeting - why don't "they" put things away? Someone should let the "they" know that certain things should be done a certain way, right?

When in your life, or maybe you haven't yet, did you figure out that you are the "they" that you believe should be taking care of all the incidentals of community living, whether it's in a church, a business office, or in your home. I remember one day when it dawned on me that there just weren't enough "theys" around to get the job done and that, oh my gosh, I was now one of the "theys" that I had always depended upon to make things civilized, orderly and just right!

I try not to be too preachy in my posts but as is the way at times, I need a little preaching to myself so I'm putting you readers in the "they" questions column along with me. Today, I tackled a couple of projects that I thought "they" should be doing. They weren't huge tasks, nobody told me or asked me to do them, I definitely won't be getting a gold star, and I can remain anonymous as long as you don't figure out the tasks I managed to squeeze into my day which was pretty full of things to get done without doing a "they" job.

I remember my sis telling me one time about an experiment in which she participated - one involving committing acts of random kindness in a neighborhood that was not her own. The bottom line of the experiment involved a police car pulling up next to her and asking her "what she was up to?" After her explanation, I think the cop understood, but the neighbors were definitely suspicious of a young woman seemingly just wandering in the neighborhood, stooping occasionally to pick up a piece of trash or pull a small weed. We are suspicious occasionally of one of the "theys" doing something they're not required to do - it makes us a little uncomfortable and maybe casts them in the light of a patsy or a chump - but think about it. Maybe today you'll see something that "they" should have done and you'll find yourself bending to the task............spiritually, and you know I always try to tie a little of that into each post........spiritually it sort of all comes down to the golden rule of doing unto others as you would have them do unto you, doesn't it?

Let me know if something just jumps right out at you - at you enough to convince you that you are one of the "theys."

Created

Constant motion from waking 'til sleeping
It must be tiring - ya' think - maybe not

Observers in awe of the energy are illuminated, exhausted just watching
Trying to keep up with the thinking, examining, exploring, mimicking, challenging, daring, defying

Conquering pesky weariness by continuing upright, though somnambulant
Vigorously denying fatigue, sleep, and certainly pajamas

Charming, darling, bright, maddening, exasperating
Extraordinary little creature

Creature, you ask - well, he had to have been created
There's no other descriptor appropriate

Thank God for this little four year old wonder
And for the capacity created in us to unquestionably love him

Constant motion from waking 'til sleeping
It must be tiring - ya' think - maybe not

P.S. Thank God for his precious big sister as well
A bride in waiting - or so she sings in the video:)

This short post was inspired by Henry Scott McMullin - age 4
July '09, Walla Walla, WA