Thursday, April 01, 2010

STOP - is that love or control you're seeking?

Stop sign used in English-speaking countries, ...Image via Wikipedia
If you read yesterday's post here at the MindSieve, you'll know that I included some eclectic bits of reading from my Lenten studies.  Couldn't resist sharing just one more with you today.  It's from "Way of the Winding Path - A Map for the Labyrinth of Life" by Eve Eschner Hogan.

p. 43 - "Remember, our true essence is love.  The problem here isn't the love, but rather the need to love and be loved.  While our souls are love, our egos misconstrue this and interpret love as an ego need, instead of just who we are.  The ego thinks that in order to love, it must approve of someone else.  In order to approve of someone else, they must behave the way we want them to.  In order to get them to behave the way we want them to, we must control them.  Suddenly our soul's desire to be itself - love - is  showing up as a need to control others.  Likewise, the ego thinks that in order to be loved, it must be accepted and receive approval from others, thus being loved suddenly turns into a need for approval."

Eve's sentence regarding in order for us to love, we must first approve, i.e, change or control - was such a stop sign for me.  Isn't it the way I, maybe you,  make friends, view the news, critique our fellow citizens, try to change those we love into what we want, how we want them to behave, how we expect them to view the world?  If the opposing political party or my neighbor doesn't agree with me, it's easy, I don't have to love or even like them (as other children of God) I can just demonize them and make myself believe that everything they say is stupid, hypocritical, inane, not worthy of hearing!  So simple!  Oh, that we could just give each other a chance in this world to really, really listen without formulating our reply while the other speaks..........our reply about how our way is so much better!

How 'bout you?  Do you think, along with me, that by just suggesting how our friends, our spouses, significant others, and/or our political opponents should speak, believe, or act, will make these persons more lovable or even likeable to you?  Will we change them one bit?  As self-observers, do you or I think we might have just a few "control" issues that are speaking out, begging us to pay attention to our own selves rather than everyone elses' selves?

I think I have a control issue, I should say, I know I have a control issue.  Sometimes I seem to act as though I know how to do everything and that is so NOT true!  Any of that ever show up in your lives?
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  1. nope. i'm good :-)

    things started shifting some for me when i realized that the only person i can even vaguely be in control of is myself. the serenity prayer is always a good reminder.

    "God grant me the serenity
    to accept the things I cannot change;
    courage to change the things I can;
    and wisdom to know the difference."


  2. I was going to say something about control but then I got nicely distracted by your reading list. I just bought "Little Girls in Church" and there are some great poems in it.

    Okay, well, I imagine it is good to change directions in the middle of one's thoughts sometimes. Kind of an exercise in letting go. :)

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  4. I find that the older I get, and older I am certainly getting, the less I am into controlling.

    For if I control, the real me will never come out. And if the real me stays hidden, how can I discover the real in others?

    Hoping this makes some sense :-)

  5. Perfect post for me to read thank you. I needed that. A minister of a church I attended years ago always used to say "we have one person's consciousness we are responsible and that is a BIG job!"

    Thank you for visiting my new blog Dianna.

  6. Lucy - thanks for the serenity prayer - I never tire of reading those profound words!

    L.L. -
    "Little Girls in Church" was given to me by my sister-in-law years ago before I came to enjoy poetry as much as I do now. It's a great little book and I loved rereading it recently with my new poetry appetite. Thanks for stopping by - and yes, a little diversion is about relaxing control, I think.


  7. Claire - your comment makes perfect sense to me! I'm working on looking forward into a less controlling and judgmental self rather than dwelling on what I did with the silly thoughts that I could control anything other than myself!!

    Katherine - what a great thought - yes, our own conscience is about the only thing we should have expectations of managing:)