Does God Play Fair?

So there I was just minding my own business, enjoying Maui, the worship service, the sermon, the fresh air, the prayers............just settling back into the pew after receiving the Eucharist this a.m., when, BAM!, a familiar face from our hometown was coming back from just having received the Eucharist also.  I nudged my seatmate and was that a gasp I heard?......well, almost.

There in the midst of the 10 Commandments and Jesus turning over the tables in the temple sermon was a person who used to be a fellow Episcopalian, who we used to socialize with in friends' homes, who used to, well......until....... the gay issue lit some kind of fire in his belly and he turned away from the Episcopal church, determined in so doing to take away as many Episcopalians as he could with him and then when that wasn't enough, he went back (?) and took more of his Episcopal friends to the true and holy Roman catholic church of his childhood, of his imagination, of whatever?

O.K. God, this is dirty pool but something I've seen You use before - a big fat in-my-face REMINDER of what those 10 commandments mean, of whom I am called to love, of whom I am to forgive, of whom I am to be as Christian whether, Episcopal, Baptist, Roman Catholic, or Presbyterian.  A REMINDER that just because I would argue vehemently, disagree totally, and have been really hurt by another's actions, I can't pretend to be Christian unless I forgive, unless I greet, unless I love, unless I repent (turn) in the direction you would have me go.  A REMINDER that I must offend you often, behave outrageously often, forget to love, to forgive, to repent and still you love and forgive me.........may I remember your love and with gratitude show it to those I might not choose, convincingly and with sincerity......it doesn't seem fair ALL of the time but then again, thanks for the REMINDER - I'm willing to give it a go again!

Desultory - huh?

Image via Wikipedia

I enjoy working on a MAC laptop; it comes with a few features that sometimes I notice and sometimes not.  When the machine "sleeps or rests" for a while it has an automatic scroll feature with vocabulary words slowly appearing, along with the words' definitions, then the words and definitions melt into the nowhere of computerland.

So as I completed a handwritten project this afternoon at my desk, I turned back to the computer screen and found the word above and its definition - desultory - resting on my screen, seemingly daring me to read it, absorb it, understand its definition.

Some of you may be familiar with the word - it didn't pop right up in my mind as user-friendly for me........................ here's what "The American Heritage Dictionary" has to say about 

DESULTORY - adjective

1.  Without purpose or intent; aimless

2. Occurring haphazardly, random
DESULTORILY - adverb

I'm glad that I know this word now and, no doubt, I'll read it sooner than expected in a novel, in a newspaper column, in a magazine article and think that I've been reading it for years but just as the computer words fade in and then fade out on the screen, so apparently has this word left little impression on my mind up to this point.

I must admit that the word feels uncomfortably negative to me as a way of being.  I would'nt be particularly happy to think my life was based upon desultory decision making, desultory worship, desultory thanksgivings.  That is not to say that I believe all life can be lived in a straight line, nor that random events don't ever occur - I believe that random events do occur.  However, I don't worship a micro-managing god that predicts when I'll pick up my toothbrush in the a.m. or when I'll take my vitamins or even if or when I'll slip on a bar of soap in my shower.  Again, I believe that random events occur.  Some of those random events are just that - random.

Reading my blog with any regularity or even in the past few days, you may see a pattern to my tenets in that I enjoy the benefits of planning for outcomes that truly do come under my own power to direct.  I ask for God's help and guidance in my planning but "we" generally work together with a plan that is anything but desultory in its nature.

For me, living with intention serves me well.  Occasionally, I can get caught up, or just plain caught,  in my intentions.  After all though I don't believe in a micro-manager god, I do believe in God that occasionally says to me, "remember who you're trying to kid here".......like my prayer life.  I think my feeling of disconnect over the past few weeks or maybe months has been my will suggesting that I was really a devoted believer but that I just wasn't connecting with God.  That may've been true but my larger problem was that becoming stagnant in my routine of prayer and thanksgivings, I felt a disconnect - I wasn't listening, I wasn't waiting for the answer - I just decided the answer wasn't coming........

Well, the word desultory fits right in here......I think.  Aimless, without purpose or intent, haphazardly, random - how can a prayer life thrive under those descriptive words?  For me, I may need a new tool or reading to assist me in my private worship and meditation but I feel there's a responsibility for me to find those tools, to wait for God, to listen to the silence (as one of my favorite readers commented to me yesterday) again, to listen to the silence and to believe with purpose, with whole heart that God is there for me - God is not aimless, God is not random nor without purpose, nor without a plan for me - God does leave the time of morning grooming and breakfast food selection up to me but I think that his voice guides (doesn't push the yes button for me) me to the bigger decisions for my mind, body, and soul - nudging me along, offering options galore, heartache, love, loss, disappointment, joy, heaven, loaves, fishes, lox and bagels - there is randomness in my life.

My prayer though in closing is that I have the courage and honesty to be partners with God through this time I live in this dimension of my life.  To protect myself from aimless, intentionless, random drifting in and out of situations or daily exchanges that do nothing to enhance my life or anyone else's.  With God's help to make intentions and to keep those intentions as long as I am able.

How about you - desultory ring any bells with you?  Are your days filled with aimless, random happenings running one day into another with no recognition of where you're going, where you've been or where you've seen or touched a presence greater than yourself?  I wonder and I'd love to hear if intentional living feels like a good concept to you.

Biography II

Reading another person's biography, specifically the one I posted about yesterday,  by a woman, about a woman, I think of my own life experiences;  the place I was born,  the childhood and teen years with a cadre of similar lives and situations surrounding me, the totally overwhelming experience and loneliness of college, the mistake of teenage marriage, the floundering of a young wife, the desperation of post-partum depression - oh oops - I shouldn't give you the whole plot here and now, should I?

Could there be an autobiographical book written about my family, my life, my friends?  Of course anything is possible and such a book could be written, with the expectation that the most copies of such a book would be of interest to my children, grandchildren and to those friends that inhabited the book along with me - a book of a few hundred pages and most probably a good family read - rather than a worldwide best seller.  Naturally my story would reflect upon an American culture, small town girl raised by small town parents, first loves, college, marriage, kids,  foreign travel and residency, tragedy, divorce, business, happiness, loss, abundance, love, joy.....hope and optimism for a happy ending, faith and confidence in the Resurrection.....there's a lot that could cut and pasted into an auto-biography.  

Yet, would I want ALL of my life to be, shall I say - exposed - naked to criticism, examination, judgment, disdain?  Probably not but in my personal examination of it today, I wouldn't change any of it.  I'd still be happy with my sheltered, small town beginnings, my wonderful friends - many of them still in my life today - my travels, adventures, and work in big cities, with fast and crazy friends  too in those places; my children of a first marriage, my stepdaughters from a second marriage, a wonderful spouse, good health and as above my optimism for a happy ending to my life here on earth......I could read my biography and be content - and you?  

What would you count as your achievements?  Fame, fortune, parenthood?  I'd count among my top accomplishments not my business engagement that yields me a nice pension now (for which I am most grateful), nor my volunteer Board positions, nor even my rather interesting artwork that gives me great pleasure to produce.  No, my top accomplishments would have to do with engaging with my Creator in the best way I can, living among friends - old and new - who know they can trust and count on me, my joy at having good health at least through today's date, my loving relationship with my spouse of 25 years and the total and unbelievable joy of being Mother, Step-Mother, and Grandmother.

And how about you - a quick survey of the biography in your head - take a look.  Could you write a book that would pique someone's curiosity, that would bring a tear or a smile to a stranger's face?  Who would your readers be, your biggest fans?  I believe that we've been born into this life to do the best we can with the gifts that God has entrusted us to use wisely.  I believe that many, many, many people I know and particularly have recently revisited, embraced, and counted blessings with have done just that and continue to do that daily.  Have you used your gifts wisely - if not today - there's always tomorrow......script up that biography in your head, live it and love it - all we have left is all we have left!  Best seller anyone?

Any gold at your house?

One day in the last few after an hour of beachcombing,  the gorgeous rainbow  I've included here (yes, we did get a little wet on the beach from the rain) appeared; my spouse noted that the rainbow had hit smack-dab in the middle of a condo right down from ours.  He wondered aloud if those folks could see their place as the pot or when they looked out or would they see the end of the rainbow at someone else's front door?

Mightn't that be the way of our everyday lives; seeing the rainbow and pot of gold at someone else's door and not seeing that its presence surrounds our own selves; i.e., the neighbors have all the luck, I've never won anything, they seem to be blessed with good fortune, good health, great jobs, good hair - only kidding about the good hair - but you get the point.

I think taking a real look every day for the treasure in my life, I'll find that the pot of gold does reside in my house and in the houses of my neighbors and in the whole lives of all creatures great and small that've been given water to drink, air to breathe, resources for survival.  I think discovery and enjoyment of hidden treasures might be as simple as practicing daily scripture reading, prayer, and reflection, even inhaling and exhaling those huge bellows' breaths that many of us  practice in  our yoga classes.  Those moments are rich with sharing, with life, with faith that says I'm living in a pot of gold.

How about you - any gold at your house these days?  No, your fool's gold doesn't count - I mean real gold!

P.S. The words below were the 3rd verse of a hymn we sung yesterday at the installation of a new Rector's service and the inclusion of a growing Maui parish into full parishhood of the Episcopal Church in Hawaii. Congratulations to Holy Innocents of Maui......

Gospel Hymn "I Sing the Almighty Power of God, V3.   "There's not a plant or flower below but makes thy glories known; and clouds arise, and tempests blow, by order from thy throne; while all that borrows life from thee is ever in thy care, and everywhere that I could be, thou, God, art present there."
Words: Isaac Watts (1674-1748)

Photo Sunrise Sister - Maui Rainbow

Baptismal Reflection

Yesterday in church, I glanced at the bulletin header to see the following words:

The First Sunday After The Epiphany
The Baptism of Our Lord
Holy Eucharist: Rite II January 10, 2010

Three things popped into my mind after reading those words -

1. Our visit last fall to St. Peter's Basilica in Rome where we viewed the beautiful portrait I'm showing here today of Jesus' baptism.

2. My baptism. Having just discovered my own baptism certificate last November, I hesitated yesterday when I stood in church to celebrate my baptism, naming only the month. Coming home though, I confirmed as I suspected, my actual infant baptism (age 6 weeks) was January 10 so my savoring of this day's importance seemed even more relevant to me.

3. The word savor. As regular readers here at the MindSieve might remember, savor is my selected word for this year.

In remembering our visit to St. Peter's and in rejoicing over a found baptismal certificate, I savored the precious moments and import of those events in my life. It's unlikely at this point in my life that I'll revisit St. Peter's in Rome, but what a memorable occasion it was to be there with my beloved spouse viewing the portrait of such an important event in the history of Christianity.

Also, finding bits and pieces of my infancy, early childhood, and school years seems to be a trend lately.....one that begins to bring into focus how that baptism event of being publicly declared a Child of God was the beginning of a life long relationship that as an infant I had no idea was there for me. Even as a young child, a teen, a young mother - really not until my adult years of church life did the import of baptism register with me. It is only now that I've come to treasure the God/human relationship that was started on my behalf by my very young parents. I doubt they knew what they were "doing" with a tiny baby at God's altar but I am thankful for that event and pray that young parents, like mine, like I did as a parent, will baptize their children realizing it not as just a social rite of passing but a spiritual proclamation of intention for them and for their children.

If you're a Christian, what of your baptism - infant, teen or adult, have you ever spent any time considering how that event changed, did not change, is beginning to change your life? And if you're of another faith with a precious rite meant for initiation or acceptance or connection, have you participated fully in that rite or not, and has it changed your life, your direction, your spirituality? I welcome your sharing.

Influence

While reading the scripture lessons for today, the word influence popped into my head; not an actual word that I read rather one that just came - the word itself and lots of tangential thoughts. How do I influence others - others in regard to faith that is? Where, when, why, and how can I know if I do or don't?

I suspect the word had something to do with having just joined the bloggers at High Calling Blogs. In joining, I found that the premise of the site involves blogging about one's life wherever that might be or encompass - workplace, home, sporting event, reading, etc. In blogging about a favorite subject or pastime, I am encouraged to be aware of how and where God touches my life - with the site proclaiming that we are with God and representing God every moment of our lives - at home, in the workplace, online, wherever we are. In that vein, I wonder where am I influencing others or convincing others of God's presence in my life and in influencing them toward God's presence in their own lives?

Surely on a daily basis the first creatures I greet each day, or maybe I should say who greet me are my dogs - Sheltie Andy and Westie Riley. They greet me expecting attention, food and water. That attention I would characterize as a circle of love from me to them to me. They expect a warm greeting - they give and receive a warm greeting, neither fearful nor intimidated by my presence. They expect consistent behavior from me and that I'll receive and give back the joy they give to me.

Do I cultivate this same circle of caring and warmth with the next creature I meet - my sleepy-headed, non-verbal spouse? I hope so. I honor his need for silence in the first hour of waking and generally greet him with love, expecting that same love in return. He respects my a.m. needs as well and has willingly (well sort of) ceded the larger bathroom in our home to me as his gift of caring - honoring my desire for separate - not necessarily equal space.

Out the door and into the YMCA for a workout, am I pleasant when greeting the staff behind the desk, my fellow exercisers, the slooooow parkers in the parking lot? Clerks in the supermarket, fellow shoppers that take a long time in completing their transactions, or hurried customers behind me with one or two items, tellers at the bank? How do they know me - my manners, my facial expressions, my smile, my voice? My fellow citizens, neighbors, church goers? I influence all of these encounters in some way - whether I recognize that influence or not. Do they recognize my faith, my God, my being - do I influence them positively or negatively? Do I want them to know God through me? Would I be pleased if they thought I was God's representative or would they be surprised? Influence - rich, poor, male, female, boss, employee, pew partners, treadmill trompers - we all impact one another in some way. It's a huge arena for influence, for evangelism of one's faith and daily life with God.

Do you think of your influence on others in a similar fashion? Have you encountered a holy rep this morning, this day, this week - have you been one? I'd love to hear where you think your influence might have been felt, even if only a little bit.

Would I still believe?

Image by DUCKMARX via Flickr

Waking each morning, my body rolls left and my feet touch the floor
Sometimes wiggling into soft cushy slippers I've placed there for just that purpose
Sometimes touching a small white dog, plaintively whining "when are you getting up?"
Sometimes just touching a nice clean carpet that's warm from the heating vent close by

What if I wasn't me, if I didn't live here, and my home had just been burned to the ground
Perhaps waking in a shelter, cold linoleum for my feet, if lucky, dirty socks close by to pull on
Would I cry out remembering the smoke and the fire was not a bad dream
Would I resolutely pull on my socks and think, oh well, it wasn't much of a house anyway

What if I loved my mother, my drunken dad, and all of my siblings but had been wakened in the night, taken to a foster home, wakened in a strange bed, lumpy pillow, and dusty floor at my feet
What if I was scared to pieces of the smells of yet another "new" spot that would shelter me for a while and then pitch me out when they'd had enough of being good people

What if my house was never warm, I didn't have a job, I didn't have transportation, and no food
What if I had a baby crying in the next room, a sick spouse in the hospital or detox ward
What if I had used my last food stamps and there was not a drop of milk or a clean diaper anywhere

Christmas filled with joy, light, ache, sorrow, tragedy, misery, promise - promise of what
My own head is full of love, my logic is full of blessings and thanksgiving, my heart today is full of ache
Tragedy is magnified by my yearning for peace, good will, honesty, generosity - for all, not just for me

What if this Christmas season was not full of love and goodness for me
Would I, could I still believe in the Christ child
Would I still believe in a God who loves me
Well, I ask myself today, would I

For those who weep

Having lost a friend this week to sudden and unsuspected death, I've come to the conclusion that there are no human words to comfort the surviving spouse who has lost a beloved family member. The friend and his surviving wife live in a community other than mine so I've attempted to compose the words through blurry, tear filled eyes, I've felt the ache in envisioning myself being in the survivor's situation; my words have been written, sealed, stamped and sent. But it's not over for me with this friend in pain. That is not to say that I'm on-the-spot with casseroles and tissues, it means I remember daily and pray that God is the on-the-spot presence for my friend. I say "daily" but last night as I wakened for no reason, I felt pretty sure that if no drugs were involved, my friend was most likely awake weeping. Weeping without relief for her loss....I tossed, turned and prayerbook words rang truer than ever for my own consolation and for that of my friend.....

Keep watch, dear Lord, with those who work, or watch,
or weep this night,
and give your angels charge over those who sleep.
Tend the sick, Lord Christ; give rest to the weary, bless the dying,
soothe the suffering,
pity the afflicted, shield the joyous; and all for your love's sake.
Amen*

Please remember my friend and her family in your own prayers.


*From The (Episcopal) Book of Common Prayer, service of Compline

Even one sparrow?

Image by jwinfred via Flickr

Matthew 10:29 Are not two sparrows sold for a penny?
Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from your Father.
31:So do not be afraid; you are of more value than many sparrows.

We had a small death in our backyard on Wednesday evening. I heard my spouse yell sharply - "RILEY!" .....and indeed our precious Westie, Riley, did drop the small baby sparrow that he had in his mouth but probably not prior to giving it an extra "squeeze" before the release. He is a dog after all bred as a hunter.......

The frightened, struggling sparrow was gently laid on a ledge and when I went out to inspect it, certain that I could verify the small creature was not to die but just frightened, it was making sound motions with its little beak but there were no sounds coming out. I suggested that we should place it in a nearby shaded flower urn because no matter what I wished for, the bird was dying and I couldn't bear that it was on a hard surface with no comfort around. Mercifully, as Steven picked up the little bird, it breathed its last. I choke on the lump in my throat as I tell you of this small innocent loss of a bird's life.

I know the lump of sorrow and mourning in my throat is real but I believe the lump is made up of more than this small bird's dying. I believe it may be due to the gruesome news coming from Tehran prefaced by the CNN News reporter warning "what we're about to see contains graphic images." Graphic indeed, an innocent girl's bloody and senseless dying caught on a video phone clip. The helpless bystanders, me via the news being one of them, screaming internally and externally, why, why, why - life is so precious, life is so short, why, why, why must this world hate, hate, hate? How do young persons have the nerve to take their lives in their hands for democracy's promise of freedom? Do they not know how precious and short their lives are? Do they believe they will be protected because they are on the "right" side of an issue?

Or maybe it's the news that another "troop" or two of ours - would that be a child or friend, a human living being, that "troop" that was just killed today or the innocent bystanders blown up by a fanatic seeking his right to die in the world, or maybe it's the newspaper's report of a 24 year old walking brazenly armed into a high school gymnasium and killing a former coach of his in cold blood. I cry out again to the only entity that will possibly hear and know my anguish - I ask God, why, why, why?

Why do I cry? It's all so logical to me, the answer does not have to be in clearly spoken English words, the logic being, that mankind has been given the freedom to run this world of ours and even though God could intervene at any time and in any place, the sparrow, the precious girl, the "troop," the coach in his class space, die because one of us is in charge. The lump in my throat is for all the needless death and suffering in this world and the part of me stuck inside my throat asking why, why, why? How do we escape the sorrow, the hurt, the anguish of innocents betrayed and slaughtered? I don't think we do - we may yet be personally alive and breathing, but for Jesus' sake we do not escape the responsibility of needless death and dying. It sticks in my throat, does it stick in yours?

That's how the light gets in.....

Image by Michael Foley Photography via Flickr

Listening to a recent ITunes download from balladeer Leonard Cohen, I came upon a phrase I was drawn to reflect upon, to explore -

There's a crack in everything.
That's how the light gets in.

Thinking about that phrase in relation to concepts of honesty, deceit, truth, refuge, retreat, reflection, perfection, thought, stubbornness, faith. Where would I be if there were no cracks in my being, I, this child of God's creation, if no light had crept into my heart and soul? If, I determined my destiny in only those provable black and white facts of life, refused to accept imagery, myth, story, to keep out the light of God's message and messengers, where would I be?

With this "crack" theory in my head and prepping for a Renovare study session - chapter 8 from "The God of Second Chances" by Erik Kolbell, aptly titled Reflection, I came upon stories of Jesus' transfiguration, Moses and the burning bush, lightning on Mount Sinai. The chapter was filled descriptions of light - "shone like the sun," "dazzling white," "burning," "lightning," "a light from heaven, brighter than the sun." Those visions, those stories, those revelations of God's mysterious work in the world through mankind and history were lights that crept into the cracks of humankind's minds and hearts - certainly lights, speaking for myself, that have entered into my mind and heart. Did my Creator make or leave that "little crack" in my being to allow the light to enter? What do you think? Does the light enter us or are we careful to have all of those small, fragile seams sealed safely to avoid what might be a mystery, might be a myth, might be a message, might be God's call to us?

Fear and Prayers

I pray for all haters and for their innocent victims that for reasons unknown to either, but to God alone, their hearts may be softened, their grievances forgotten.

Hatred's evil came sharply into focus as friends here in Hawaii were part of a group scheduled to speak in Honolulu to a state senate committee. The committee's purpose - to consider "the authorization of civil unions for same sex couples." My friends entering and exiting the building were met by hate-filled, well-organized pickets from church and anti-gay groups shouting vitriolic slurs at bill supporters.

A mob, turning like hyenas on any creature other than their own, is not a lovely image and raises these questions for me. Is a sense of freedom and peace, believing times have changed, people are different, we are civilized, a true picture of today's society in the USA? Do we possess freedom to select our own places to live, to worship, our own friends, our own life partners? Some of us would perhaps naively say yes, the hate-mongers - using Christianity as a cloak of righteousness - would say no! They do not believe in those freedoms and use the Holy Bible as proof of their God-given agenda to prevent those freedoms to anyone who goes against their version of "the truth!"

So the shadow of hatred and the light of forgiveness have been prominent in my prayers this week. Refusing to allow fear to dominate my thoughts, I've prayed every day for my friends and for the haters.

In my prayers and meditation over hatred and forgiveness, I have been somewhat encouraged and comforted by words of reconciliation from Erik Kolbell's, The God of Second Chances. "In a spirit of reconciliation, let us forgive old hurts and forget new slights." Further, the author's questions - "Is it possible to forgive others and still hold them accountable for their misdeeds? Can forgiveness be a liberating experience for the forgiver?"

I believe the author and I are in agreement on at least part of the answers.....Yes, I can forgive old hurts and believe that forgiveness is liberating for the one forgiving. I do not lightly consider that in forgiving and forgetting, I may open myself (and my friends) to further pain, aggression and humiliation. However, I believe those assaults may be borne by trusting in the love of God, and by rightfully keeping my fear of evil at a level to enable clear thinking and right judgment even in the face of hatred.

Can we forgive and remember without vengeance and proceed fearlessly with caution?" How would you answer that question?

To you, O Lord, I lift up my soul;
my God, I put my trust in your;
let me not be humiliated,
nor let my enemies triumph over me.
Psalm 25:1

More Merton from me......

"The most important, the most real, and lasting work of the Christian is accomplished in the depths of his own soul. It cannot be seen by anyone, even by himself. It is known only to God."

This text was taken from Thomas Merton - A Book of Hours - a Collect on page 54. It is very comforting for me to read these words and to ponder not only what they mean to me, as a Christian, but what they might mean to persons of other faiths and to even those who profess they have no faith or God.

My thought - even if one has no faith - no faith, perhaps - no soul, no way! Oh yeah, I believe we are all created with a soul, like it or not. So with the liberty of the computer and your reading eyes, I might rewrite the beautiful Collect above with only a slight revision -

"The most important, the most real, and lasting work of the human being is accomplished in the depths of his own soul. It cannot be seen by anyone, even by himself - therefore it cannot or may not be denied. It is known only to God and God watches over the soul of even those who would deny him, or profess another god."

I am grateful for writers such as Kathleen Deignan whose vision of compiling Merton's wondrous writings into user-friendly hours of prayer and contemplation have brought such depth to my daily worship. For all that is found to be written in our time in totally dark and negative terms, someone like Ms. Deignan has brought together Merton's words from the past and placed them freshly in our reach for the taking. Words for us to ponder, to pray, to turn over in our minds, to question, to pose - obviously, I highly recommend Mr. Merton and this lovely book Book of Hours.

Do you have favored books you're reading now that seem to have enriched, awakened, or just given you comfort recently? I'd love to hear the titles.

Photo - SS from personal handmade Book of Hours Journal

Human Sacrifice?

Yesterday, after church, I was lolling inside from the snowy days outdoors and giving myself permission to linger over favorite blogsites. One of those favorites is "The Painted Prayerbook". Always rich with visual works and thoughtfully constructed spiritual words, I came upon this phrase of Jan's that really smacked me!

"I wonder if the people of Israel ever wondered if human sacrifice might be easier, after all, than all this justice and kindness stuff."

In light of that sentence.....you know, I know, we all know that the economics of our current day aren't terrific and that hard decisions need to be made at times regarding employment vs. non-employment, firing versus hiring. These are neither welcomed nor easy decisions that must more and more often these days be pondered.

Listening to an NPR interview last week, I heard the interviewer asking persons on the street, or the studio, or wherever, whether given a choice of losing one's colleagues' or saving one's colleagues' salaries with cuts being absorbed by all - what would you do?

Several people never hesitated and stated although they would not like to take a cut in pay that if it meant saving jobs for more of their colleagues in these hard times, they would definitely consider a paycut worth the sacrifice. I thought that was a wonderful thing to hear......until a gentleman given that question said, "absolutely not, firings just cut the dead wood out of an organization and they probably weren't contributing that much anyway. No, he would not like or would not like being asked to consider taking a paycut!"

Arghhhhh, so what do hard decisions, firings, cutbacks, pink slips and the like have to do with human sacrifice? The human sacifice, it seems to me, comes about when persons making decisions hastily, without pondering justice and kindness beforehand make a decision(s) that clearly exhibits callousness toward another human being, whether friend, confidante, employee or colleague. Regrettably it is sometimes necessary to announce layoffs due to financial crises, and/or lack of competence but, I believe, it is not in God's plan that decisions should be cruel or announced in a way to impute job performance issues when there were not such.

Selfishness, greed, and lack of respect for one's fellow persons being laid off also falls outside the realm of justice and kindness. Being let go in a public arena, meaning not being told privately of the issues causing the layoff/firing, is humiliating at best, cruel at most.

So in some cases, I would say for some persons, human sacrifice is not only unquestionable but preferable with justice and kindness having really nothing to do with any thing.

I repeat, argggghhhhh - oh, and just yesterday I was blogging about not passing judgment on my fellow human beings......I've guess I've flunked again!

The Psalms -

"The windows are open. Let the psalms fly in."

Thomas Merton spent his life writing about contemplation, yet his own way of prayer was in fact surprisingly simple, "centered entirely on attention to the presence of God and to His will and His love...a kind of praise rising up of out of the center of Nothing and Silence...not thinking about anything, but a direct seeking of the Face of the Invisible.

Quote and text from Thomas Merton - A Book of Hours - p. 27

Reflection upon a John Baillie prayer......

Beginning my morning devotions with John Baillie's prayer for the first day of the month, this one being, January 1, 2009, I came upon this phrase - "For the great and mysterious opportunity of my life." Because I use this little Baillie book regularly, it is not the first time that I have seen the phrase, it is just the first time I've stopped to personally reflect upon it -

Life, opportunity

My dreams and aspirations
God’s plan and manifest will
Mysterious….can they be the same

Life, opportunity
A curse, a gift
A package of sorrow or hope
To remain sealed or to be opened

Can I reject the life, the opportunity
Can I change my destiny

Change God’s will
The will – free or not – whose and which is it?

Photo - The Cloisters, 12/23/08 - SS

Samaritans - you just can't get rid of 'em

The snow has been rather serious here since last Saturday. It started out slowly enough but seemed to increase as we dawdled home from a neighboring town errand.

We were almost home, chatting and observing how drivers "handle" the first snow - too fast, too slow, too much brake, no lights, etc. As we consciously ticked off the check list, we saw the small SUV ahead of us start to skid, first toward the guard rail, brake - too much correction - then toward the ditch........oooooooooh, she's in it, don't turn over! She didn't turn over, just tipped.

We pulled over, blinkers on, with my spouse automatically dialing his friends at the police department. The young woman hesitantly opened her window and took the card that was passed to her. She was hoping this stranger who had stopped was trustworthy. She accepted the offer of a warm seat in our car, along with her daughter, until a police officer could arrive on the scene.

Unable to find her cell phone, then found - unable to remember her spouse's phone number, clearly she was shaken and probably needed a good cry. Before you could say, look here, a guy with a smoke dangling from his lips, pulled his red pickup over and asked if she would like for him to pull her out - thereby avoiding a big tow company charge. My husband and he conferred a minute and then asked her permission to try the tow. My husband, and now the young policeman, rather doubted that it could be done with the pickup but the driver assured them there would be no problem.

I was cynically thinking, oh boy, I hope he doesn't totally wreck the car getting it out of the ditch, and how clever of him to get out and beat the tow trucks to stranded folks in their vehicles. A nice way to pick up some extra cash, but what if he "damaged" a car or two - it was no skin off of his nose and again, he could pick up a few bucks!

They chained up the car to the truck, (I thought there goes the front end) slip, slide, oh no, oh yes - it was upright and on the highway with no visible damage. She was getting out as all of this was happening, thanking us profusely. At the same time, I was saying to my spouse - "how much does he want?" and as I looked up, the pickup was well on its way...gone on down the highway, have a nice day, kindness of strangers and all that stuff. I had a lump in my throat and a little voice, that said, "Oh, ye of little faith! Shame on you - who do you think was driving that truck anyway?!"

Zephaniah? Hmmmm....

In the book I've been using in my Advent worship, God with Us, verses in Zephaniah 3:1-2, 9-13 were one of the readings for yesterday, the third Tuesday in Advent. Now, Zephaniah is not a book I flip to easily in the Old Testament; even after referencing the contents to find what page Z resided upon, I had to recheck the table of contents to find it again after I had written down this prayer. I wondered why I felt so positive about penning these words and if they had anything to do with my Z reading...........because I really could not quote or even paraphrase the verses........

Gracious God, comforter, healer, blessed in my life,
send me on tasks I do not seek, have not outlined and on which I fear to go.
Hold both my longing and anxiety in your hands.
Place strength and courage in me - so much that I step out of my path into yours.
Alert me to the markers that cross before my eyes, markers that I may feel tempted to overlook.
Let my eyes come from blurring to focusing on your vision - vision to follow the journey you've charted for my life.
I pray my mind, body and spirit will recognize your words, commands, urgings.
May I surrender to your will from now through resurrection. Amen

Did Zephaniah speak to me yesterday? Give Zephaniah a go - he might have a prayer for you also.

Advent - magic or what?

In a beautiful Advent post over at Anchors and Masts, I replied with a short comment about waiting. Rereading that comment yesterday, whilst trying to figure out where the missing author of the post is secluded, I decided I would like to share and expand my Advent thoughts here.

In preparation for the Season I selected what looked like a perfect Advent book of readings, set aside time for prayer, incorporating the book and its scripture readings into my morning worship, and then began "the wait." This first few days went by and I found myself feeling a little silly expecting “something grand and magical” to waft over me just because I'd set the stage! (Maybe I needed more props - probably a candle, I should be lighting a candle!)

Amused by myself and what my prayer receiver must be thinking about my dramatic stage set and expectation of immediate gratification - i.e., results - I realize I'm maybe not so far off track as my selfish need for the "now" might indicate.

Advent - it's the waiting season, duh! what's happening, or not, is a clear picture for me of Advent's reality. The uncertainty, the waiting, the expectation ARE the Advent story - perhaps directly related with other results oriented patterns that come into our lives. How do we handle those other patterns? Waiting for happiness, in the void acting as though we are happy and whoops, we sometimes are! Christian behavior....try acting like a Christian often enough and magic, is it(?) we become Christian. Waiting for Jesus, act as though we are, we are. Becoming aware of the waiting may produce a swifter more miraculous find than we expect - Jesus is already with us, observing the coming, reminding us of the joy that his birth has brought to our lives.

Advent - it's all about the waiting....sometimes long, sometimes boring, sometimes nothingness - but if the “awaited” is all about the birth of Christ then the long, the boring, the nothingness will be worth the wait and in the meantime, he may be found sooner rather than later! Magic or what?

How's your waiting these days?

Photo - Courtesy Religious Mall

I see differently now

I see differently now......

the blessed, stretching, reaching movements
focused and attentive my mind's eye witnesses -
witnesses the onstage, bleak, yet blatant performance of nature
God's presence in that theatre

Trees raise their branches to heaven
praise, affirmation, thanksgiving
leaves fallen to earth
succumbing into confession and surrender

Dark cold branches, sometimes icy and broken
searching through the greyness for their creator
colorless, seemingly lost and alone
memory strains to preserve the precious palette

Detritus warms the earth
spring awakening and rebirth will come all too soon
the continuing drama of life,
haunted death into glorious resurrection

I see differently now......

Photo - drive from Dayton - SS

The Day - Praying the Hours

Yesterday's Dawn has conceded that the Day should speak also....

DAY - There must be a time of day when the (wo)man who makes plans forgets her plans and acts as if (s)he had no plans at all. Thomas Merton

DAY - I am the day
My heart sings in welcome to you

What an amazing creature you are
God told me you were the greatest of the miracles

I, day, am breathless as you enter into my presence with expectation
I have plans for us - we will travel together - you and I
We will smile, cry, growl and sing - we will be! Sunrise Sister

Photo - Drive from Wenatchee Fall '08 - SS