First Half of Life?

First & Second Lives - Fully Integrated

Reading Richard Rohr's - "Falling Upward: A Spirituality for the Two Halves of Life", I was reminded last evening about viewing from the second half. Having dinner in a beautiful Maui restaurant at the casual setting of the bar - in close proximity to other diners -  a darling young couple settled into their places next to us. Both, almost simultaneously, asked the bartender for some sort of delicious non-alcoholic beverage for the wife as "they" were pregnant.

We struck up a conversation about the strawberry, frothy milkshake libation that came and then laughingly engaged in conversation with them about when the baby was due, their first, how exciting......etc. As we visited a flash of Rohr's rhetoric came into my head as I clearly observed them chronologically and experience wise in their first half, with us observing and visiting with them from our second. We imparted parent-like, congratulatory, loving comments on their expected treasure knowing that they had NO apparent reason to be overly concerned with first half/second half issues - only with the now, only with their youth, only with their child.  I believe that's the only way the first half of life can be viewed when you're in it.

Maybe to the point though, this is not the first time I've felt myself looking "back" at couples, and youth in general, living life as though there were no second half - only the now of youthfulness....  a wonderful time of innocence and naivete.   There is really no reason they should be looking at the second half (aside from financial planning, healthy living, and retirement investments:) ONLY IN THAT how much better off could we all be if we had put more planning into our living as long as we have and as long as we hope to live.  

It seems to me that if we've had the good fortune to reach the second half of our lives (and I'm talking to most of us over 40, hoping to make that 80 number at least) we might give some thought as to how we might influence first halfers a bit more  - without heavy handed preaching or advice.

First half can be so rough - we of the second half have much to offer, much to pass on, much love to give those in their first halves! With just a little more effort toward mentoring, exhorting, and influencing of young adult lives toward their spiritual development - their lives walked with God - their financial decisions, their healthy life styles - couldn't we make their paths less rocky, not rockless, just less rocky - offering them a rake to smooth their gravelly path?  Yet advice, rather than mentoring or influencing, can be viewed as second-hand (not as good as first hand) advice.....not really worthy of taking......I mean, did we listen, did we think those in the second half of their lives were anything other than old?  If only we could figure out how to share more together between the halves.

Either/Or – Both/And......

Maui Beach Time

Slowly turning the pages and absorbing as much as possible, the words of Richard Rohr in his latest book – "Falling Upward", spoke to me yesterday in this quote in Chapter 1 –

"Mature people are not either-or thinkers, but bathe in the ocean of both-and.  (Think Gandhi, Anne Frank, Martin Luther King Jr., Mother Teresa, Nelson Mandela, and the like.)  These enlightened people tend to grease the wheels of religious evolution.  As Albert Einstein said, "No problem can be solved by the same consciousness that caused it in the first place."  God moves humanity and religion forward by the regular appearance of such whole and holy people."

I find I've some thoughts on Rohr's quote.  I optimistically hope that black and white/either-or thinking is on the wane.  Yet, it's not gone completely and I expect there will always be those that believe there is only ONE right, ONE wrong and no grey room in between.  Knowing that fact, I occasionally find it unsettling to run up against those that insist there is only one right way to complete a task, to settle a disagreement, to bring up a child, to share one's love, to live one's life, to worship one's God.

Through my faith, I believe that there is a world of room in this world for both-and thoughts and lives - not only in the genius/martyrs/leaders that influence so many but in our day to day living.  I believe that God is a both-and creator, a both-and lover, a both-and judge.  A God who knows who I am, when I'm struggling, when I'm lazy, when I'm indignant for the wrong reason, when I'm too critical of another's actions – God BOTH knows me AND still loves me.  

I don't believe there is a great scorecard in eternity where I've marks for going against a black and white/either-or rule.  Rather, I believe that if I really try a good bit of the time and succeed at least once in a while by using the both-and guideline in my relationships rather than strict black and white rules, I will find a place for myself that will please God in a way other than just in a black and white/either-or rule way.

Perhaps this is what Rohr is aiming at introducing in his words and maybe my interpretation is just so logical as the nose on my face that I sound silly expounding upon it.  As might be the case, I agree with the writer so far so –of course– I'm enjoying his new book.  I wonder what others will have to say about it.