Thinking of titles for this little tale, a couple came to mind "The Old Man and the Sea" as well as "Ahab and Moby" - however not truly wanting to insult man or bird, I've gone with, as you can read, "The Man and the Bird."
Characters: The man, a gentle, mild-mannered individual, seldom agitated or angered
Status: recently retired
The bird, a lovely adult male, maybe female, Flicker
Status: hibernating to warmer parts of the country away from the great Pacific NW
Recently retired man has no idea that Mr. or Ms. Flicker, as the case may be, generally stops here each fall and pecks around on the side of the house. Recently retired man has never been in the house before when said bird decides to do his or her tap, tap, tapping.
Flicker has no idea that his or her, as the case may be, tap, tap, tapping would bother any one. No one has ever made a fuss about it before. A bow wow now and then but no real - shall we call it rage?
As the Flicker has been here consistently now for about two weeks, said man is beginning to get a little, shall we call it edgy? Rapidly departing the kitchen via the sliding door to yell at the bird. Poor innocent bird takes one look at the man and flies to nearby tree to observe. When man re-enters the house, the bird flies back to his appointed task.
Man sends dogs out to bark but bird is up high on the side of the house, tap, tap, tapping - although the man now is certain the bird is using a small sledge hammer to do his work. Man yells louder at bird, bird sits in tree screeching back and when man is sufficiently red-faced and gone, bird flies back to his task again.
Man has suggested and even consulted with other men about the wisdom of using a bebee (sp) gun on this small creature or at least a big dirt clod. Woman, who shall remain nameless, suggests the wisdom of that idea should be researched carefully with forethought of the consequences indoors if that method of destruction were used out of doors.
Woman expects there will be several more pop-offs from the man, a few more staredowns from the two of them, and then a fly-away from the bird until next Fall.
The End
photo from Wikkipedia
The end? Or just the beginning...
ReplyDeleteYour tale brings to mind visions of another man lurking about during the dead of night with a flashlight and a BB gun, searching for a mockingbird singing of his prowess to the world. The man was dressed in gym shorts, or perhaps less. Fortunately, that bird moved on pretty quickly. It was also fortunate that the neighborhood patrol officer didn't encounter the scantily clad man carrying a weapon in the dark.
ReplyDeleteIf "the man" is the only one bothered by "the bird," perhaps he should spend a couple of weeks at a monastery, or Habitat build, or cruise, or road trip, or ... Earplugs might be an even simpler solution. Earplugs could even block out other annoyances, such as CNN Headline News.
It would be a shame for such a lovely bird to cause a man to "blow a stint," damage his home, or bring other harm upon himself.
Tess - you could be very right:)
ReplyDeleteGeezer - oh, we had quite a laugh here this a.m. reading "your" tale about the unknown man skulking about in his underwear!!:)
BTW - the bird hasn't shown up yet this a.m., but it's early....
It is 9:18 a.m. and that blasted Flicker is pecking holes in the siding of my house. I shall have to go have a moment of conversation withe him/her. Perhaps, like St. Francis, I shall preach the gospel, something from the Gospel according to St. Stephen would be appropriate; you remember, the parable about Jesus separating the doves from the flickers and sending the flickers into the outer darkness where there will be gnashing of bills.
ReplyDeleteCP
CP--i had no idea that the man was YOU until you so abruptly outed yourself!@?@!?@ i do believe there are many parables buried in this lovely little tale.
ReplyDeleteas tess asked...beginning or end? hmmmm.
said story also reminds me of another man to remain nameless. wife walked into backyard one dark evening to find man, still dressed in business attire, standing beneath large evergreen tree with flashlight and water hose in hand(s). wife inquired what he was doing. "trying to knock this blasted raccoon out of the tree!!"
"oh," she replied "and when he falls out of the tree on top of you, what then?"
shortly, thereafter, man retired into the house. raccoon went peacefully away.
i think the flicker might be having too much fun and entertainment this year, he/she might just decide to stick around a while longer...
Men seem to be so easily annoyed and provide such fodder for entertaining stories. Are women less prone to antics? Is it not politically correct to tell stories about them? Is it a concept that my mind, hampered by years of bombardment by natural testosterone, is too feeble to grasp?
ReplyDeleteIt might be an even more entertaining world if we had twice as many stories like "The Man and the Bird." Or it might be utter chaos! I guess women provide the appropriate balance to the "adventures" of the male of the human species.
btw--that picture is amazing. yours?
ReplyDeleteI'm thinking that said man in the story could benefit from a couple of well-timed glasses of superb Washington State wine. Flicker would still do his thing, but Man might not care quite so much... :-)
ReplyDeleteOh, how did I know this tale would bring a few candid stories in the comments section:))
ReplyDeleteMS - Yes, the wine would do wonders for the man I'm sure however, drinking before 10:00 a.m. seems a little early and certainly risky if he decides on the BB gun approach:(
only kidding - I hope:)
Kayce - very picture indeed, I suspect it's from National Geographic or some famous birder....Where's my copyright conscience when I need it - are you sure you want me to buy one of your books.....you know I only need one, I can copy all the rest.
Geezer - I'm sure women do very strange things, although maybe not as certainly we rely on you gentlemen to never make fun of US at our expense:) There does seem to be some proclivity for night time backyard prowling by the male species that has always seemed a bit on the dangerous side of female tendencies of adventure!
Thanks to all for the great comments - you can look forward to perhaps a series with title examples being - "My Friend Flicker," "Flick You, it's a Free World for Peckers," and several more that I best not mention here in case a censor is reading my brilliant blog posts.
xoxox