Why Facebook?

Image by Raymond Yee via Flickr

I found an interesting article in our most recent copy of "Christian Century" by theologian Barbara Brown Taylor.  She was questioning our lives "Before Computers" - not denigrating the tools - but reasonably questioning what we did prior to email, Facebook, Twitter, etc. She states her concern to be "with those who have lost their freedom to decide when to use the media and when to turn it off."  Continuing on to say "Does anyone remember what people did with the hours we are now spending in front of screens?"

The author then lists many wonderful things that she remembers doing in that time.  I admit that I related to many of her same memories, yet, I'm personally acquainted with friends who were and still are perfectly happy to spend their time in front of something other than a computer - and that's a television set.  I suspect many of those same folks would never relate to the pleasure of having written long, newsy letters to their friends and family, nor thought of enjoying quiet time on a plane, nor even having lunch with friends to catch up on the news.  Their interest just didn't, nor does it relate to communication with other human beings.  I don't mean to say that everyone I know is a dreary, boring individual.  On the contrary, I find my life full of fabulous friends,  family, and acquaintances met through business and travel experiences - so many people that it would be nigh impossible to either eat or sleep if I tried to correspond with them via the USPS and long, newsy letters.

Continuing in the author's vein of letter writing, I'm afraid I never did develop the habit of ordering beautifully monogrammed stationery nor fountain pens to communicate with friends and family.  I used the telephone if the family was particularly close and I dutifully penned notes of condolence and regret or RSVP replies, but seldom newsy, lengthy letters.  Of course, my parents and in-laws, under a totally unknown situation to me of long time separation due to World War events, had occasion to communicate through letter writing.  They had no other means of communication.  Their thoughts, concerns, love, anxiety and daily news out of pure necessity needed to be sent via the postal service to far off destinations.  So, yes, I can understand how my parents would not understand today's method of communication nor are many of them or their contemporaries still living interested in attempting it on a regular basis.  Just too much trouble and too impersonal.

My counter to that argument, and something I consider a plus, is that through the aforementioned mediums of email and Facebook contact, I've recently found friends from 50 years ago, my high school graduating class.  I found them prior to attending an amazing class reunion a couple of weeks ago and, due to Facebook communication, we kind of had a headstart on our face-to-face reunion.  I've made connection with cousins and their children, with new blogging friends - whom I've never met in person, yet feel connected to via our  personal post exchanges.  I'm in contact, or shall we say,  in communication with a niece in Kyrgystan, a nephew in NYC, and two in MN, I know about birthday parties and celebrations of nieces and nephews that I haven't seen in years but feel I know their families through snapshots of what's happening in their lives.  I've seen the beautiful figure of a niece expecting her first baby, the glowing pride of their mothers and fathers about the events in their children's lives that they would never think to write me about in a letter.  Why would they think I cared to know that?  Mundane details of daily life?  How much more connected am I with my loved ones and even with those I don't love soooo much, but still am somewhat curious about where life has taken them.......!  

You might ask what difference does all of that make - short sentences over full-blown correspondence?  A big difference - there's an instant connection - there's an "I'm here, I'm listening to you, I'm offering up my prayers for your ailing parents, for your children recovering from surgery, for your recent divorce, for your broken heart, for your new job, for your vacation, for the birth of your first grandchild, for the wedding of your second daughter, for the launch of your last child to college, your first grandchild's steps or first ballgame or first swimming award!  I care and can pray for these persons rather than wondering some time later, where was I?  Where was I when these folks needed my love, my prayers, my support in their sorrow, in their losses, in their thrill of new birth, in their celebration of each day?

Still with all of the communication tools I have, I may still miss LOTS of important events in the lives of those I love but I do have a fighting chance to know the news before it's old and cold news.  I can get carried away in writing a blog, in surfing on Facebook, in rejoicing in the silly and arcane but it's a way of life that I wouldn't trade for the non-communication, the non-knowing, the non-connection of friends and family. 

 

In closing I think it amusing, along with Mrs. Brown Taylor, to ponder the items of the past that my grandchildren will never experience......touring last summer through a local historical museum depicting the heritage of our community, my 9 year granddaughter, Ella, spied a very old typewriter in a showcase.  She quickly summoned her brother, age 4, and pointing at the machine, said, "Look Henry, there's an old-fashioned computer!" By the way, same Henry, has started answering SKYPE calls at their home in Asia...........so, yes my grandchildren will certainly probably never enjoy the pleasure or habit of writing or receiving letters (although I must admit I do try to send off a letter now and then to perhaps pique an interest in lettered communication) but perhaps they will be in closer communion with each other, their families, and their loved-ones - I don't know.

But one last thought, probably to be expanded into another post - maybe our thoughts in prayer and conversation with God have always been somewhat internet/electronic in nature?  I mean we send them out there in space and hope for a returning answer, that is, an answer that we'll like...........

Biography II

Reading another person's biography, specifically the one I posted about yesterday,  by a woman, about a woman, I think of my own life experiences;  the place I was born,  the childhood and teen years with a cadre of similar lives and situations surrounding me, the totally overwhelming experience and loneliness of college, the mistake of teenage marriage, the floundering of a young wife, the desperation of post-partum depression - oh oops - I shouldn't give you the whole plot here and now, should I?

Could there be an autobiographical book written about my family, my life, my friends?  Of course anything is possible and such a book could be written, with the expectation that the most copies of such a book would be of interest to my children, grandchildren and to those friends that inhabited the book along with me - a book of a few hundred pages and most probably a good family read - rather than a worldwide best seller.  Naturally my story would reflect upon an American culture, small town girl raised by small town parents, first loves, college, marriage, kids,  foreign travel and residency, tragedy, divorce, business, happiness, loss, abundance, love, joy.....hope and optimism for a happy ending, faith and confidence in the Resurrection.....there's a lot that could cut and pasted into an auto-biography.  

Yet, would I want ALL of my life to be, shall I say - exposed - naked to criticism, examination, judgment, disdain?  Probably not but in my personal examination of it today, I wouldn't change any of it.  I'd still be happy with my sheltered, small town beginnings, my wonderful friends - many of them still in my life today - my travels, adventures, and work in big cities, with fast and crazy friends  too in those places; my children of a first marriage, my stepdaughters from a second marriage, a wonderful spouse, good health and as above my optimism for a happy ending to my life here on earth......I could read my biography and be content - and you?  

What would you count as your achievements?  Fame, fortune, parenthood?  I'd count among my top accomplishments not my business engagement that yields me a nice pension now (for which I am most grateful), nor my volunteer Board positions, nor even my rather interesting artwork that gives me great pleasure to produce.  No, my top accomplishments would have to do with engaging with my Creator in the best way I can, living among friends - old and new - who know they can trust and count on me, my joy at having good health at least through today's date, my loving relationship with my spouse of 25 years and the total and unbelievable joy of being Mother, Step-Mother, and Grandmother.

And how about you - a quick survey of the biography in your head - take a look.  Could you write a book that would pique someone's curiosity, that would bring a tear or a smile to a stranger's face?  Who would your readers be, your biggest fans?  I believe that we've been born into this life to do the best we can with the gifts that God has entrusted us to use wisely.  I believe that many, many, many people I know and particularly have recently revisited, embraced, and counted blessings with have done just that and continue to do that daily.  Have you used your gifts wisely - if not today - there's always tomorrow......script up that biography in your head, live it and love it - all we have left is all we have left!  Best seller anyone?

Family Reunion

As you perhaps read at MINDSIEVE yesterday, over the weekend I attended a gala 50th High School class reunion in my hometown of Bethany, OK.  Having invited my brother and sister to give a heads up to the school's celebration of its 100th Anniversary, and having not seen any of my extended family who still live in Bethany since the death of my Mother six years ago, I took the opportunity to suggest a family reunion.  Along with my brother and his wife from Tx and sister from WA we gathered together with our Bethany/Oklahoma City family in a cousin's beautiful home for dinner and celebration prior to the school events.

I know many families have partaken in reunions since the beginning of time but since our grandparents died many years ago, the only reunions of any kind that we've managed have been those occasions when family members' deaths drew us together.  I felt it was important that no more time should be wasted in sharing our lives together, even if only for the evening.

As it turned out, my cousin Butch and I (pictured above) graduated from the same high school class so we had several occasions that even though rendering no "deep" conversations during the frivolity of the moment, nevertheless felt enhanced by the presence of true blood relatives in the same place, sharing the same experiences.  My brother, though younger by four years, along with my sis younger by fourteen years, shared the same small hometown childhood and obviously a number of the same friends and acquaintances from my grade school and high school.  Their presence also served to enhance the experience of reunion for me; at the school event in one instance we recounted with two special friends the tragic losses of their brothers born the same year as my sister had been born.  Their losses have been my losses over these years making the presence of my own siblings even more precious to my life and those friends even closer to my life's fabric than they could either imagine.

But back to the family reunion - growing up for me was just that - growing up.  As possible or probable for some of you reading here now, I was born into a family that struggled at times.........but I never knew that, a family with its up and downs financially and emotionally - but once again, I never really participated in those highs and lows.........I just kept on growing up:)  However, as an adult reflecting on childhood, I realize the importance to me (aside from my parents ) of my grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins, and childhood friends.  Those people formed a barrier of protection that allowed me to advance in life with little anxiety.

Thus I offer grateful prayers of thanksgiving for the family in which I was born and of that expanded remnant of us that still remains - an aunt - the last sister-in-law of my mother's family, her child, grandchildren and precious great grandchild, as well as my deceased uncles and aunts and their remaining children, my cousins and their children.  I also am grateful in a way that I never expressed, while the deceased were living, for the joy that my uncles and aunts brought to my life.  Even in little actions they nor I would have ever recognized, those actions have contributed to the making of the person I am today. 

My spouse in his work as a priest and chaplain sometimes encounters families with dying or deceased relatives who either no longer have family or for some reason are estranged from still living siblings, parents, or children.  We always feel a profound loss for those who have cut off or been cut off from family relationships over matters sometimes trivial, sometimes not, but for whatever reason will not consider reconciliation even in the face of death.  My prayers for those persons and for you, if there is that wedge in one of your relationships,  is for reconciliation and for reunion.  I cannot imagine a sweeter gift than that of the embrace of a family in reunion.

Any memorable reunions in your life these days?  Maybe a reconciliation or just a visit long overdue?

Two Sisters or Four

There are two of us now but could there have been four? Technically I am the firstborn but what of the child aborted prior to my birth when my mother was running for a bus? Was it a girl, was it a child, a fetus, or even a young woman's miscount of her days. Am I really number two?

That would make my brother number three instead of number two.

And what of the first trimester miscarriage after my brother's birth and toddler time? Was it a girl, a baby, a beloved child miscarried, then cremated, flushed, forgotten? Did my parents mourn the loss alone, together, maybe, not at all? Was she baby number three or baby number four?

My brother may shake his head in wonder, these women, their minds, my sisters!

My beloved sister now - destined, amazingly, to always be fourteen years younger than I. What if baby number three (or maybe number four) had lived to birth, would my sister be here now? The sister with whom I share joy and sorrow, silliness and seriousness, the trivial and God. Is she baby number three or baby number five? Is she my sister number one, or perhaps my sister number four? Two sisters for sure, born, bonded, still remembering, still wondering, still honoring the unborn of our lives.

My brother, God bless him, he remains in the middle.