I want to be remembered

I want to be remembered
As a mother
As a grandmother
As a wife
As a friend

I don't want my great, great ancestors to look at the old fashioned pictures
and wonder, who is that woman
Who was she to me
Why didn't anyone write her name on this picture

I want to be remembered
by my children
by my grandchildren
By my great, and great great grandchildren and beyond

Because you see though not yet born, the DNA holds them
Already I love them
I wish for them all the world has to offer
I wish them strong minds and strong bodies, courageous spirits and brave hearts

I wish them faith in God
And fellowship with other than human life
I wish them to understand the caress of their Father/Mother in heaven
I wish them to know that's whose company I will be keeping when they are born

I'll see their first romances
Their first kisses
Their first labor pains
Their first babies born perfect and innocent as they were

I want to be remembered
As a mother
As a grandmother
As a wife
As a friend

Family Photo: Great Grandparents J.C. and Olive Gilmore and 5 of 6 daughters and 1 son. Sunrise Sister "believes" her Grandmother Anne is second girl from the left....all the others are Great Aunts. We know their names but have not yet been able to connect each name with a face.

Knocking....

"I bless Thee for that knocking at my heart's door that warns me of Thy waiting presence."

Quote from A Diary of Private Prayer - John Baillie

Am I paying attention?

Image via Wikipedia

Am I paying attention? I mean does my life feel comfortable, always the same, predictable, boring, nothing new? Have I been to a movie, to a play, to a concert or performance - been to church? Have I tried a different drink in my favorite coffee shop? A different entree from my favorite restaurant? A walk home from the Y, or from the post office or from anyplace?

Have I ever found a hymn in my head in the middle of the day or heard the phone ring just before it actually did? Have I ever started singing "hey you, chitty, chitty bang bang, for no reason? (Sorry, that was mean - quick, think of another song!) Have I ever had one sock slip down on my ankle just prior to standing and walking up the aisle of a church? Have I ever forgotten my phone number or my zip code when the person at the cashier desk asked for one or the other?

Have I ever noticed the woman in front of me fumbling for coins in her purse and been annoyed that she's taking so long? Have I ever made a joke about being blind and then realized that was an inappropriate subject for joking?

Sometimes, sometimes, yes. I don't have a favorite coffee shop. Not often. Hardly ever. Yes, yes, yes, yes on both. Yes, yes. Yes. Get all that? - don't go back!!

Maybe if I was paying attention, I wouldn't feel comfortable all of the time, or ever bored, or predictable or seeking something new but rather seeking something lastingly important to the existence as a child of God. Maybe I would remember, more than just a moment, the real live people to whom I've sent the gifts of water, or a goat, or a micro-loan. Maybe thoughts of favorite coffee drinks and meals would bring to mind those without those luxuries that I perhaps sometimes consider necessities. Maybe a walk would give me a new perspective and an idea of what my Creator would like for me to see in a day.

Maybe when I forget a zipcode or a phone number of my own, I could relax and realize that's normal, not an omen of a foreboding memory disease. Maybe if I was paying attention to the woman in line fumbling with her change, I would think not that she is slow but that she is searching for the last pennies she owns to pay for that quart of milk in front of her. Maybe I should be praying for her and figuring some way to help the poor in my community. Maybe if I was paying better attention, I would not slip and think of an inappropriate comment about someone's disability or life situation.

Advent has my attention this year and is feeling like the season of self- examination, maybe that's supposed to be in Lent and not in Advent......but when I realize how the material costs of "preparing for Christmas" take over my waking hours, I can't help but think also that in "preparing for the Christ child" I should be giving more financially and personally to the lives of those who may never, ever even have a moment to consider boredom, or poverty, or God.

How about you? Are you considering anonymously "gifting" someone in some way that will improve their daily living? It seems a right and proper thing to do in this season of Advent; perhaps a more authentic activity while preparing for the birth of Christ.

How about a mosquito net or a goat?

Tonight I was going over the Christmas list, checking it twice and feeling a bit overwhelmed with trying to buy gifts for people who have so many gifts in their lives already it's unbelievable - I decided I needed a break and instead went for the small pile of accumulating bills and along with online banking took a minute to dispense with that; then I began to process the money requests from charities. In addition to and after our local gifting, one of our favorite international charities surfaced quickly - Episcopal Relief and Development.

It didn't take me long at all to realize that some of the dollars, maybe not all, but some of the dollars that would have been spent on frivolous items to be opened and tossed aside quickly, are going to be sent from us in the name of friends and family. Who cannot want to contribute to the micro-loans that give women (and men) in poor and desolate countries, the chance of a lifetime to start their small businesses, or the idea that anyone in this world is going without clean water or that children and babies are contracting malaria when a $10.00 contribution will buy them a mosquito net. I could go on but you get the picture. Isn't there some favorite charity that could use your $10.00 or $25.00 or even $100.00 contribution to make this world a better place? It probably beats the heck out of those sweater vests you're going to send your grandchildren that they'll never wear!!!

Do you have a favorite charity to which you're donating this year? I know Tess and Mary and Kigen are keen on this idea - how about you?

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Advent and our messiness

Yesterday's post was about my ability to quickly untidy a space when I'm planning or working on a project. My questions at the end of the post invited you to reassure me that I'm not the only mess maker.......some of you did that, thank you!

So, today as I opened up my companion book for the season of Advent, my eyes fell upon an underlining that I had made in the introduction section. It was this -

"Christmas forces us to deal with all the mess of our humanity in the context of God who has already entered that mess in the glorious birth of Jesus."

First off I want to make it clear that my studio space, in no way, shape or form, even at its worst, resembles the mess of our humanity. However, it does seem uncanny when I think of messes - that God loved us so much that he came amongst us in and through the birth of Jesus Christ. Came amongst us in the mess that I'm so capable of making in my life; a place where I could definitely do a better day to day job in remembering to love God and to love my neighbors as myself!

My hope and plans are to remember and to exhibit how grateful I am for the blessed Christmas season for which I prepare during Advent. My prayer is that you and I will take the time each day to offer up thanksgiving for all the good in our lives and for the courage to straighten out all our messes as quickly and as lovingly and as forgivingly as we can manage.

After all, preparing for Christmas is something other than shopping and eating.........a point I try to keep that in mind when everything just gets too crazy. I am using the same book as last year when I found it meaningful to me to practice an Advent discipline. I also plan to participate in our church's quiet day on December 12. Have you ever selected a book, or a discipline, or planned a quiet day somewhere for yourself in preparation for the celebration of the Christ child's birth? This year might be a good year to do that. I'd love to hear about your selections and how that discipline goes for you. In the meantime - Happy Advent - and prayers for keeping your season in some semblance of tidy versus messy!

A mess of my own making

Image via Wikipedia

Yesterday was my birthday and it was a joyous day with exercise and errands, nice gifts, warm greetings from friends and family and settling back into my working studio. I say "settling back" because prior to my Thanksgiving Holiday guests arriving, I had put the space into some semblance of order for visitor viewing. The paint table was given new brown paper, the old palette sheets had been discarded, the rags placed in their proper place and in general the space looked as neat as it is ever going to look.

But after everyone left, I was at it again - pulling out projects, checking on the old, starting the new. Ancestors' pictures surround me again on every surface for my family tree research, cataloging and scrapbooking and frankly I should be the only person allowed in this space for some time to come:)

What is it about some of us that love a tidy space but really adore working at our leisure and in the mess as it develops around us? I often feel guilty that I can turn tidy into a rat's nest very quickly. On the other hand, it is my space (I'm lucky to have it all to myself) and there is a door on it that can be closed.

With the thoughts of my mess-making ability, I share with you that I received a little book called "Keel's Simple Diary" as a gift yesterday and on the first page (as on all pages, I think) there were several -choose one- selections to help me with summarizing a typical day.

To complete my daily diary it was suggested that I choose a statement to sum up my Feeling At Home statement for the day from the following three options:

1. Opening an organized, odorless refrigerator filled with everything you like.
2. A mess of your own making, reassuring diversions to keep you busy and engaged in every corner.
3. The same person or animal that sometimes makes you want to leave your home.

Now, #1. is a wonderful option and when the task is complete, I love that feeling.
And, #3. is not applicable to me in any instance.

But, #2 - a mess of my own making, etc. That's just downright comfort for me!

How about you? Does only tidy do it for you? Do you sometimes or maybe always just realize that everything is everywhere and you don't know how it happened but it really doesn't seem to matter? I'm not the only one that this happens to, am I?