Honoring Ancestors II

While participating in an Honoring Our Ancestors retreat/workshop this past weekend, I was awakened to new ways of considering my personal, hidden anger of questioning family members' behavior regarding death and dying. In one of the workshop sessions, I was surprised, make that shocked, to have felt and acted as though my voice was that of my deceased mother's voice; in speaking to me more than once, she/I verbalized in action and words, her own deep-seeded grief and mourning over the loss of her dear husband, my loving father. A grief that she always kept from me, answering every inquiring question of mine with, "Honey, I'm fine." I didn't understand then but I may have a notion now of her great overwhelming and private sorrow at the time of my Father's death.

A chief revelation of the weekend for me is that my family was very logical in its handling of death and in getting the grieving "done, over, end of sentence, done!" While reflecting on past losses of ancestors I actually knew, I realized that I had never really grieved for them. The announcements of their deaths were made usually via telephone, we gathered (often I was not present) proceeded to the funeral home, greeted family and friends, to the cemetery, back to the house, ate a lot of food and everybody went home. Each to grieve the loss in their separate way or perhaps to not grieve at all.

Certainly, when I was a young teen, a beloved Uncle died of a brain aneurysm, my parents - leaving me behind with a very capable aunt - drove day and night to reach the hospital prior to his death, (our home several states away) attended the funeral, came home. I was weak with despair at their departure, fearing that they might not return and devastated that I was never to see my Uncle again. I suppose all assumed there was no reason a child or even a teen should be burdened with grief.

Two of my grandparents had dementia at the end of their lives. When "their time came" the words echoed were - "it was time, they didn't know anything" (meaning we shouldn't feel anything, our own loss?) Other of my uncles and aunts died from cancer - the words being - "they were delivered from their pain, it was a blessing at the end, they're in a better place now" - I, living in another state, barely heard of their deaths.

My point #1 is - how could I have allowed these precious people to pass from their lives, out of my life with so little recognition of what they meant to me? My point #2 is - why didn't my parents let us grieve, why didn't they grieve more openly, didn't they realize that their loss was my loss as well? And my point #3 - the BIG revelation for me was and is - they didn't share their grief because no one ever taught them how important that sharing that grief was for them and for the balance of their loved ones.

That point #3? - I am so over "blaming" my ancestors for not sharing more of themselves with me and with my siblings in time of grief. They didn't know any better than what their parents and grandparents taught them. Grief was private, not a big display, and "getting over it," I think, must have been very important in order for them to continue their daily lives.

Feeling the nearness of my ancestors this past weekend and upon sharing tales of childhood, youth, and adulthood with 10 other women, I found that in some ways my experiences with death and grief were sometimes very close to that of others. Sharing stories in a trusted group of women can be a powerful tool for facing one's own mistakes, misgivings, loves, losses, and living.

I am the one that was honored this weekend to realize that my living family and my ancestoral family are both essential to the person I am, the person I am becoming, the person I want to be. I am grateful for the love, encouragement and steadfastness that has come to me from the persons of my immediate family and from those ancestors of whom I know little or nothing about. They are truly to be honored by my existing family and me.

SS Photo - Hood Canal - Site of retreat

Honoring Our Ancestors

Reflected in my post of last Thursday, I believe that spending three days in retreat is an amazing gift to offer oneself. Words about my participation in this past weekend's retreat/workshop of honoring the Celtic celebration of Samhain and the Christian feasts of All Saints and All Souls could fill a book and will no doubt unfold in future posts. I will only say through the small poem below that reflecting upon my ancestors felt unfamiliar to me upon arriving at the retreat and unforgettably enriching with my departure.

This poem was written in response to one of the weekend leader's meditation and writing exercises - it is also my entry in the poetry party over at Abbey of the Arts this week.

Stepping across the threshold I'm greeted by a light....

A rush of family history and story floods my senses
Seeing through a thin blue veil of mist
I believe the sun is out, though not of that in August
But that of a crisp December day

Earl, Marion, Anne, Joanne, Uncle Slats, Paul
Where have they come from and why
Such a strange gathering greeting me with loving faces, outstretched arms
My heart is stopped, still, like a stone

DANG! I'm dead, I must be dead
No, yes, no - my breath has stopped but I'm not dead at all
Stop, stop with the logic - hold these moments

My own thanksgiving and love for them covers me - akin to the mist of welcome
I'm very much alive and being embraced by the family of my youth
Realizing they've never left me - their love still supporting and blessing me

Stepping across the threshold I'm greeted by a light....

Photo by Christine Valters Paintner at Abbey of the Arts

Retreat - why don't you?

An October 20 post from a Christine Kane guest blogger was so close to my thoughts of what a retreat is all about that I'm sharing some excerpts of that post with you today. Please note that I visit Ms. Kane's site often and find it encouraging, uplifting and often of practical use when learning to live with one's self. Christine gives permission for use of her work and I highly recommend her site. She is a gifted writer, teacher, and singer/song writer. Do yourself a favor, even if you don't take a retreat - visit her site, listen to her songs in the ITune store - enjoy!

".................I went to the retreat. I purposely went alone. I wanted to be pushed out of my comfort zone. I had no idea what was in store for me. But I think my soul knew there was more to my life, and it told me that this experience was going to help me live bigger and deeper than I had before. And it couldn’t have been more right.

In retrospect, one of the biggest victories about that retreat is that I actually went. I quit waiting on the outside of the loop due to fear of the unknown, or waiting for the nonexistent perfect time to leave my family. No one anointed me worthy or deserving. I’ve traveled alone for business countless times. But this was different. I had a feeling of adventure, excitement and autonomy I hadn’t felt before. Just making the decision to go caused a huge shift!

Here are a few things I’ve learned from that experience:

• Inaction is still a decision.

• Making one small step in a new or exciting direction can change how you feel about yourself.

• Investing in yourself and your happiness is not selfish. And the ripple effect is amazing.

• Getting out of your comfort zone makes you awake. You’ll no longer sleep walk through your life.

• There’s no use in complaining about the results in your life if you’re not actively involved in changing the formula that got you there.

• Investing your time and/or money in a coach or mentor, or being part of a group that refuses to see you as anything but your best self is priceless.

• Life gives you endless opportunities to start over. It only takes one small step forward, one new and better thought to feel the shift.........

(continuing with an excerpt) So, as I ride the wave of changes I’ve created in my life, here’s what I want to say to anyone out there who’s standing on the edge of making a decision or taking a chance…

Step forward into a place that feels scary, new, and exciting. That’s how you know you’re moving, growing. That’s how you know you’re alive.

Your soul has no use for your comfort zone."

I, Sunrise Sister, believe in just tromping into that place outside your comfort zone! It is so worth it! I am tromping off myself this All Saints' Weekend to a retreat entitled "Honoring our Ancestors." I'll be taking a few photos and anticipating an amazing awakening inspired by another Christine in my life. She too has promised and delivered on steps for taking me out of my own small comfort zone. I look forward to this retreat and, while I'm away, I encourage you to visit both Christine's on their sites. Each and/or one or the other may deliver news to you that you've been yearning to hear all your life.

Thanks for listening - have a blessed All Saints' Weekend - MindSieve will be back on Monday:)

MindSieve has taken excerpts from an Article printed from Christine Kane's Blog: http://christinekane.com URL to article: http://christinekane.com/blog/your-soul-has-no-use-for-your-comfort-zone/

SS Photo from Santorini, Greece, village of Oio

The Power of Retreat and Renewal

The power of being led through song, worship, reflection, praise, and movement is a blessed happening to observe and to partake in as a life-enriching gift to yourself.

You probably wouldn't like it though because you probably already sing, worship, reflect, praise, and move your body in new and untried postures - right? Or maybe not? I mean, of course you can't sing so there's no reason to try, you worship quietly on Sunday a.m. or Saturday or whenever, you reflect occasionally - maybe on a Vogue, People or Christian Century magazine article, you praise your children and whoever else needs it (besides you) - and your body, oh well you can do the pretzel dance any old day and besides that you're too old/too young to even contemplate new movements for your conservative, well-worn, and/or sleek, "limber like a noodle" bod.

Whoops, maybe you're way ahead of me on all these activities and have no need to be "awakened" to creative possibilities outside of the ones you've established for yourself, your family, your habitual way of seeing yourself in the world. No need to share with other women the joy, the monotony, the hilarity, the tragedy of your life. Right?

What would days away on retreat look like to you? Ever think of it?



Photo - SS Post-retreat reflection - priceless!

Too much, not now, silly to contemplate?

Last week on retreat "Awakening the Creative Spirit: Experiential Education for Spiritual Directors in the Expressive Arts" with 11 other women (2 were facilitators), I had an extraordinary experience. If you happen to visit here at MindSieve in the near future, you'll possibly be receiving reflections upon these 5 powerful days!

First of all, no, I am NOT a practicing spiritual director nor were many of the gathered women. I came as this event had been recommended to me by a friend whose judgment I valued. I came for the "expressive arts" part and for the "awakening the creative spirit" part, and I suspect, because I was called to this event by a presence greater than that of my worldly friends.

Two amazing leaders led the gathered group through contemplative, expressive arts experiences that I would have perhaps questioned if I had seen the curriculum plan in detail. When in our first gathering, a drum - yeah, a drum - came out to accompany an opening chant - yeah chant - I wondered if I had stumbled into a "new age" event of the '90's. The answer to that is NO, I had not. From the first beat of that evening to the last reflection times together on Friday, I was transported from my present being to reflections on joys and disappointments of my personal childhood, to holy moments of Scripture sharing, of hesitant moments of body stretching, shaping, dancing, and song. I found that a lot of my "I don't likes" are actually "I'm shy about that" and "I've never been good at that." I found moments of grace remembering WHY I thought I was not good or didn't like something, turning those anxieties into, "Oh, my goodness, what was I thinking? Why did I ever give that up or never even try it?"

The week was an exhilarating, life-changing experience. If I had the wherewithal, I'd gift every friend that I have with it. The facilitators were kind enough not to "pass the plate" and ask for more compensation as some things in life have no price - they can only be offered and hopefully accepted. Like what? you might ask. My face and my toes in the warm grass, my giggles into loud guffaws when the somersaults and rolling began, my heartbeat raised in jubilation at the sound of women in song, the sound of percussion instruments of all kinds being shared and turned to rhythms and music. The sometimes quiet, sometimes loud weeping of hearts truly sharing. The beauty of poetry from those who claimed to never have written it nor even read much of it themselves. The stillness of my own breathing - deep enough to resemble sleep - but present enough to only be.

There will be more reflection - but I ask you to consider for your own self and well-being - when was the last time you took yourself "out" of your everyday living to truly contemplate what makes your life sing, or if your life has stopped singing, why? Maybe 5 days is too long, too much for now. But maybe two days or three..........are you being called to some place you'd rather not go, you never could, you'll never try, and it's too selfish and lavish a gift to give yourself anyway?

The blessing of this retreat, maybe not this exact one but another, is not too "silly to contemplate" for yourself. It is a priceless gift that I was called to accept for myself. Are you being called to know more of what makes you sing or "used to make you sing?" Listen for the call and go for it!


Photo - Sunrise Sister's view from St. Andrew's Retreat House - Hood Canal, WA