Converting our imaginations....

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Revisiting one of my favorite study books from last year, Winter Grace by Kathleen Fischer, I found this excerpt on page 15....

"The present situation of many older people, old and young alike, has been described as a disease of the imagination. The older persons have accepted the negative images of old age, made them their own, and begun to live out of these images of incompetence and insignificance. The task of spirituality of aging is to convert the imaginations of both old and young to a new vision of the human. And this can only happen if the old themselves refuse to let society define them, and instead internalize new images of the later years."

Now not all of MindSieve's readers are old by any stretch of the mind but notice above that both old and young need a new vision of the human. I'd wager that sometime in your youth your own imagination was questioned by someone or doubted - e.g., you drew outside the lines of the coloring book pages, or your picture of your dog didn't really look like your dog (even if you thought it did) or your wouldn't want to be a painter or a writer, you can't make money being a painter or a writer, etc........

So for those of us who can chart our own courses now, grab onto that new vision and be and become who you are meant to be. If you've small children, or hard-headed teenagers still under your influence, help shape their vision in any way you can by pointing out to them those who are becoming what they are and want to be - like their grandmothers - like their aunties - like their, heaven forbid, their mothers! Oh the visions we can imagine and see for ourselves once we are freed from behind our own bars!


*Doesn't the Cassatt portrait say right out loud - "Don't mess with me, my dear - just make me look terrific - because I am!"

2008 New and Bests Review

-Retirement - very under rated
-20 books more or less read - my favorite - "Winter Grace" by Kathleen Fischer
-48 Movies - Netflix chick
-Favorite Movie - romance/light - The Jane Austen Book Club
-Favorite Movie - drama based on history - The Great Debaters
-Favorite Television Movies - drama - all BBC Series - Bleak House*, Our Mutual Friend*, The -Barchester Chronicles - 2 out of 3 BBC's are Charles Dickens' work
-Amusing Television Series Rental - the first series of Sex and the City
-Most frequently viewed tv shows - The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, Keith Olbermann, Rachel Maddow - all news shows of some ilk or another
-Entered 4 juried art shows with collage pieces/accepted in 3 of them
-2 blog sites + keeping up with a dozen other "regular favorites"
-Facebook enrollment
-Stood and steered at the helm of a sailboat and smiled
-Took two surfing lessons
-Snorkeled without a life preserver
-Went to an "after Christmas sale" in a NY department store
-Visited the Cloisters in NYC
-Attended a Yoga Spiritual Retreat
-Attended an Episcopal Women's Church Camp Weekend
-Trips a dozen+ some by car, some by plane
-Embraced poetry as a new discipline
-Yoga class devotee

You may have noticed my new blog header about not defining one's worth by "busy".....I've asked myself if this year was all about busy for me and I've answered myself with "no, it was not:)!" Busy for busy's sake to me is wiling away one's time with no pleasure, no personal growth, no challenge. I've reached for all three this year and have plans for 2009 - how 'bout you?

Early a.m. date

5:30 - alarm clock rudely carries out its assigned task - it is pitch black outside!

5:35 - feet find the floor, brain aware of doggies in the room stretching and yawning, large lump in bed still dozing.

5:37 - toothbrush and paste in the mouth - the least I can do - I mean the very least! Drink of water.....

5:38 - 5:40 - underwear, teeshirt, yoga pants, shoes, socks - no need for lights or to look in the mirror - too ghastly anyway! Oh, check for teeshirt label - I hate to wear that thing wrong side out in front of other sleepy heads...not that they would notice.

5:41 - turn on car, thank goodness it's in its electric mode at start up, no noise! I'm certain the doggies are back in bed by now.

5:42 - on to the street, it's getting light but are the headlamps on? Stop, check it out, no - the oil change guy must have turned off the "automatic" button yesterday.

5:43 - oh, that's better, I can now see in front of the car, I'm beginning to wake up.

5:46 - YMCA parking lot - I'm beginning to breathe easier now as I'm joining those other crazy people who've crawled out in the dark to stretch and exercise their brains and bods!

5:47 - Drink of water, mat laid out, I begin to "connect with the breath" on my own, even without the instructor whispering those instructions gently into the microphone strapped on her head. The room is semi-dark with a thin line of lights and soft music playing.....Am I in India?

5:50 - Other beings are coming in the room, slapping out their mats and hoping we start out in a seated position.

5:55 - More breathing, mats slapping, throats clearing, noses being blown, audible groans of early morning wakening.

6:00 - We "begin." My body says, rather panicky... "Wait, wait - I thought we were just going to lie down here in this dark room for a while. I don't feel like moving, I thought 2 weeks off meant we were through with serious stretching and stuff!" My brain responds, "shut up and pay attention - we're supposed to be connecting with the breath - dang, where is that breath when we need it?!"

6:01 - "Is it over yet?"

6:15 - "Well, it's getting better now. Oh no, what does she mean Warrior 3, I've never heard of Warrior 3 - I thought there were only 2 Warrior positions!" Brain to body - "Shut up, go into Child's pose you baby! When you're ready, we'll catch up!" Body to brain, "Well, aren't you just too kind!! Oh, yeah well now here comes Pigeon, does she have to spring every unknown position known to yogie man on us this a.m.?"

6:30 - "Is it over?"

6:45 - "I'm feeling good now."

6:50 - "Final pose - total rest, ahhhhhhh."

6:55 - back in car - brain and bod awake and connected, lots of high fives and cheers. "We did it, we did it - now remember we cannot take off two weeks again....it's just too hard to recuperate:)"

7:00 - "Yeah, yeah, I'll see you on Thursday!"

On my mind - some more.....

This is Sunday evening, 9/7, and I've just returned home to find that I didn't quite program my posts to depart my computer as I suspected during my absence. This message was supposed to me read by my beloved spouse - words I thought maybe he could savor while I was gone for a couple of evenings attending a "women's weekend".....



.....so what does a spouse think, hope, pray, project, fear, analyze, pray some more, as they sit beside their loved one's hospital bedside before, during, and after the treatment, procedure and diagnosis?

How much I love this man
How small and helpless he appears in the bed
How cruel it would be to lose him
Please God don't let it happen
What if it does happen
What if we've chosen the wrong doctor
What if the doctor has made an incorrect diagnosis
What if the doctor's mind is somewhere else as his hands project lines into the heart
What if he dies
Who do I call first
How do I tell the children
What kind of funeral would he want
How will I live without him
Where will I live
Will the children insist I live another place
Will I ignore or heed the childrens' advice
I have no friends
I have many friends
Please God don't let it happen
What if I don't ask the right questions
Why didn't I recognize his symptoms sooner
What if he dies in the ambulance
What if he dies in the night
Who will care for me in my old age
We are supposed to do that old age thing together
Please God don't let it happen.....
Please, empower the doctors and nurses to be at their best this day
Thank you for this day
Thank you for hearing my prayers
Thank you for this man that I love so much
Amen

What's been on my mind lately.....

.....10 days ago, life was clicking along rather nicely in our household but that sense of peace and security was abruptly interrupted by my spouse's trip to an Emergency Room, an overnight in the hospital, an angiogram, a blinking-light ambulance transfer to another hospital, an angioplasty and stent insertion! Whoops, where did that come from?

My spouse is on the slim side, does not smoke, exercises (sort of) regularly, gets annual physical checkups, takes a daily aspirin and a prescribed blood pressure med, vitamins, eats a low-fat, low-salt diet - oh and he does take a touch of red wine AND dark chocolate from time to time, which, he claims, are definitely for medicinal purposes only! So where did that silly occluded artery and accompanying sidekick clot come from? Well, folks, as the cardiologist put it - "your daddy had it before you and congratulations, you've got it now!"

We've always concentrated on the fact that my spouse's dad had serious diabetic issues; it never occurred to us that the heart issues were anywhere in sight as strong genetic factors. However, it now seems there was little more than that genetic trait to trigger all of the heart's malfunction. So, we might have delayed the issue but perhaps there is no way we could have totally sidestepped it.

So, in addition to all of the issues I've just listed (and there will be more in yet another post), I wonder.....genetics has so firm a grip on our bodies and sometimes in our minds is there nothing we can do to halt the genetic landslide, the proverbial boulder that sits atop a mountain with a single pebble holding it in place?

I think so, I believe so, I swear it to be thus......without attention to the diet, exercise, etc. my spouse would not have lived to be 65 years with no sign of heart malfunction. We could have ignored the physical aspects of our lives and met up with that emergency room and not as happy an ending as we're now living into. I believe that we have to rage against the enemy of genetics in every way we are capable of understanding. This may sound close to denial to some readers, but to others of you, I say - hear ye, hear ye - rage against the genetic weaknesses in that fig tree of yours with all the heart and mind that you have. Then thank God, when you've done all you can to safeguard the miracle of life, for the healing hands of your doctors' and nurses. Don't let your genetic fate step too easily into your being - keep your eyes open for the danger - but never, never give in to genetic traits as your lot in life!

So there you have it - "some" of what has been on my mind lately.....anything particular on yours?

Transformation, The Long Way Round

Reading the marvelous book by Sue Monk Kidd*, "When the Heart Waits", I find so many words that resonate with me, it is difficult to select a specific, only one today for contemplation. However, just returning from a very hard workout at the YMCA, my fingers have walked me back to this section of the book.....

Ms. Kidd relates a marvelous story from her childhood regarding the catching of tadpoles. If you happen to have the book, for a reminder it's on page 18-19; her telling of the tale leads to her back to this thought - "Transformations come only as we go the long way round, only as we're willing to walk a different, longer, more arduous, more inward, more prayerful route."

How true that reflection is in my life on so many levels. The YMCA workout - why do I go there regularly? Why do I sweat like a piggie, strain like an ox (pretty huh?) and on Yoga days, attempt to bend into pretzel poses? It has something to do with where my body wants to go , or stay, and what my inquisitive mind, placed in Drs. Roizen and Oz books, has discovered about getting there. As we age and slow our daily routines, our flexibility as well as our strength begins to wane. Yes, hopefully it is inevitable that we age - I don't argue with that and really don't mind it (not much!!!) but I do want to be in the best shape I can be for living life to its fullest - so going to the YMCA regularly for classes, varied in style and purpose, is my effort to take the long way around to living a longer and more comfortable life.

I've started to use my paints and brushes again and am loving the activity. It challenges my mind, my hand to eye stuff, small muscle/big muscle dexterity. But, whoops, I'm remembering, results don't just appear. They have to be contemplated, studied, canvas or surface must be prepared. In collage, many pieces must be gathered and mapped, AND for me, there has to be some photography, research, and sketching done prior to laying down a finished piece. Again, the long way around I've found brings me more satisfying results.

Finally, no place is clearer or more satisfying than the long way round with God. Why not just a quick "hi" and "let's get on with it" day? And sometimes that is what happens - not on God's side but on mine. Fortunately, at least I believe that God is careful and patient and although heavenly knowledge, far exceeding my earthly attempts at braininess (is that a word?) knows I need more than that quick "hi" - some days I think that will do. Having now communed with God for most of my life, sometimes more faithfully than other times, I realize without a doubt that there's nothing but the long way 'round for me to feel the presence, to know the comfort, to honestly confess and beg for forgiveness. I'm grateful that God has given me the life I've had so far. Some lessons have definitely been learned by going the long way 'round. Those lessons are the ones that I believe lead me to transformation of body, mind and spirit.

So how 'bout you? Long way 'round - does it or has it ever taught you lessons to be remembered?

Photo - SS - in prep for next collage
*Sue Monk Kidd book on loan from Lucy

"Memory - the presence of the past within us"

Reading Winter Grace, Spirituality and Aging by Kathleen Fischer, she describes in small part what memory is and how it shapes our lives. "Memory enables us to hold fast to our identity and shape it in new ways. Beneath the annoyance we experience at not being able to recall names and dates or find our glasses is the nagging fear that some part of us is slipping away." In later words - "We do not merely have these memories; we are these memories. Western culture tends to view time as more destructive than creative. But memory is a way of describing the cumulative nature of time, the presence of the past within us. Not only is memory fundamental to personal identity; it is central to religious identity. Memory reveals God's presence in our life."

Further on Fischer quotes from Fredrick Buechner's - The Sacred Journey - wherein Buechner stresses that we can continue to learn from all of our memories. "Memory," he says, "is not the looking back to a past that no longer exists. Rather, it allows us to look into an altogether new kind of time where everything that ever was continues to be."

I find the words of Fischer and of Buechner to be hope filled statements in that memory, i.e., ourselves are the wondrous result of everything that has ever been and still we continue with the chance to produce more memories and to become even more of what we were created to be.

Memory for me today, at least for now and as I settle into sleep tonight, will be the warm sunshine after days of rain, a drive through green waving wheat fields, with glimpses of new snow atop our mountains, casual, yet meaningful conversation with my spouse - blessings too rich to be forgotten quickly - not an ordinary, but an extraordinary day.

I hope your day was extraordinary also and that if you think it not to have been on the surface, that you'll reach deep into the day's memory and find that one sweet moment you were given - maybe it was just one quiet moment or just a drop of cream in your coffee:)

Photo memory - Cannon Beach, OR 12/07

Mutants continued.....

In yesterday's post discussing mutants - I drifted off into life's changes and opportunities for growth - maintaining the idea that we are all "sort of mutants" in our personalities and physical bodies.

Continuing in that vein, the subject facing me squarely in the eye these days is that of aging.

AGING - From the American Heritage Dictionary 1. To grow older or more mature. 2. To bring or come to a desired ripeness.

Mutant in my mind, as it relates to aging, is that obviously we cannot stay the smooth-skinned, unlined infant, or young girl. We cannot even stay the slightly, "faint-wrinkles beginning to show" young woman in our thirties. The forties, oh were we paying attention then to how beautiful we were(?) and the fifties......well, you get the drift.

I have begun, with interest, to observe aging in a new light - noticing women around me in their 80's and 90's whom I consider very, very beautiful. They are not smooth skinned nor perfectly shaped (whatever that is) nor do they yearn for those features out of all proportion as what they know to be possible. They relax in their skin, they laugh in their love, bask in the adoration of spouse and family, and rejoice in their minds being quick and as marvelous as ever!

They have "mutated" (or perhaps transformed might be a better word) from smooth-skinned , precious women into mature, sophisticated, intelligent, worthwhile human beings to be admired and honored by all.

What a unique opportunity it is for those of us entering into our last quarter-century (wishful thinking) to engage in self-appreciation, self-preservation, dignity and love of life, while bequeathing those same attributes to those we love and know.

As a last thought, the little rosebush in the photo was on its way "out" when I decided to capture just one moment of it on film. I rather think that the mature, wrinkled, and yellow around the edges blossom may hold beauty in its aging and perhaps even more interest in its very ripe maturity:)

photo - Sunrise Sister

Has an old person moved into your body?

Visiting Christine Kane's site last night, I came upon a quote in one of her readers' comments. The quote was from - Wayne Dyer - "Never let an old person move into your body."

This quote echoed a story I heard this week at my husband's retirement party -

We have a woman in our church by the name of Dora. Dora is 95 years old, still drives herself around town, giggles, tells great stories, produces Raggedy Ann and Andy look-a- like toys and from time to time passes out warranted or maybe unwarranted advice. When my husband fell from a ladder in our garage several years ago, he was retrieved from the floor by our local EMS guys; he had a series of treatments for a very broken ankle - reconstruction of the ankle with lots of nice pins, a hard cast, a walking cast, a removable cast and lots of physical therapy. When he finally was allowed to walk with a cane, Dora had this advice for him - (mine BTW was for him to stay off of ladders in the future) - Dora's was, "Don't walk with a limp. You don't have to walk with a limp. It's all in your head!"

Similarly, my mother told me many years ago when I was pregnant with my first child - "Don't waddle. Pregnant women don't have to waddle!" (That stern remark kept me waddling "less" ....maybe:)

I digress, with these instances in mind, I go back to Christine's blog subject about a woman in one of her seminars who has developed a "brain trigger" for herself that she insists keeps her younger looking, feeling, and acting. You'll have to read the post yourself but I do have a tendency to go along with her theory, not because I want to look 25 but because I want to be the best I can be and do the best I can do to guard this temple that I was assigned to care for in this earthly life. I don't aspire to be photographed to "look" 15 lbs lighter, nor to have laugh lines removed from my smile (I might like a little jowl removed - only kidding!)

So what do you think - can we erase years from our bodies using our minds - and what trigger might you develop to strengthen some resolve that you would like to keep? You don't have to tell, but it is something to ponder....I think Deepak Chopra MD and Andrew Weil, MD, etc., etc. have been selling this idea for years - have you "bought it" before?